•When you are sad, I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.
•When you are blue, I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
•When you smile, I will know you’ve finally had sex.
•When you are scared, I will rag on you about it every chance I get.
•When you are worried, I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and tell you to quit whining.
•When you are confused, I will use little words.
•When you are sick, stay the hell away from me until you are well again.
•When you fall, I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.