Who has a comfy couch?

Discussion in 'The Pub' started by scottywc, Aug 17, 2014.

  1. scottywc

    scottywc New Member

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    This is a total rant and has zero to do with cycling, but good god is my wife going crazy!

    The sort of it is she's working crazy hours and doing all sort of stress inducing crap at work. And when she's not at work she's getting tugged on by our 2 year old daughter. I do everything house and kid related from cooking, making lunches, laundry, baths, on and on, oh and then I get to go to work.

    Yet some how she's pissed at me most of the time because I made dinner late night (like I always do) or even better, I dared to help make cookies. She's blew up at me after I asked if the next batch was ready to go in the oven, as she was tilled away by our daughter.

    I get it, she wants to own a project and help out, but if I don't help out when she's home I'm an ass getting a break, but if I do help, I'm an ass because I help.

    That's all, maybe I'm crazy and taking things too personally. But I needed to vent.

    Back to riding!
     
  2. herzalot

    herzalot Well-Known Member

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    Yikes. My .02 is these are all referred symptoms of something deeper. Not what you wanted to hear. You two either need to talk it out on a deep and uninterrupted level, or get professional assistance. When people are irrational about simple things (batch of cookies) it has nothing to do with a batch of cookies. I am sure Rox will have a slightly different (and very important) take on this.

    Best of luck.
     
  3. skflow

    skflow Member

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    Scotty, I get the same kinda shit at home often.
    I'm kinda glad that our wives don't know each other and exchange notes (or maybe they do), cuz it could be doubly worse.

    Now that my kids are teenagers and it's less hectic (but there's new types of drama), it's been better.
    Maybe try to start from there and get some of the chaos in order and also try to get done with dinner earlier.

    Along with getting quality sleep, increasing exercise time for both of you will be helpful.
    If she's not into biking, try running together or send her off to one of the Ladera ladies group that meets for yoga at the water park.

    On the topic of subjects that triggers certain negative behaviors, try to avoid if possible while the "anger goggles" are still on.
    It is the act and not the person that you have issues with.
    Work together to resolve it. It is a "we" thing and not a "you" thing.

    I truly miss the good old days when my kids were younger and more fun to play with.
    Make the best of it and enjoy every minute of it together. You won't regret it.

    BTW. You still need to join us on group rides to pay your dues. After all, this is a bike forum.
     
  4. ridinrox

    ridinrox Well-Known Member

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    I could blame mtbing for the demise of my marriage (the cost of bike purchases, resentment of saddle time and a social life interferring w family life) but it definitely went deeper than that: lack of communication, lack of each other being a priority and becoming too complacent and just not caring.

    I'm not a "wigger" so I feel for ya Scotty but if you don't nip it in the bud you'll be visiting a divorce lawyer's office too.

    Best of luck.....
     
  5. crispy

    crispy Wannabe

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    My wife and I don't fight, but we have a 14 month old, although, at times it can feel like we are just two people living in the same house, but not really married. One thing that helps us stay connected is getting a baby sitter and going out for a night out like we used to before the baby. Maybe you two just need more time to remember life before the baby?
     
  6. zman

    zman WTF ?

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    Find out what's really going on
    It might be the work stress and then you add the kid and chances are she's feeling overwhelmed
    I told my wife a while back , look do not bring your work problems home as its putting a strain on us
    After that she never did and we are both better for it
     
  7. surftime

    surftime New Member

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    sorry my advice wont be deep. But women can just be that way -- lol sorry Rox. What else can I say other than that. But if its all the time and for every little thing then ofcourse take the others advice and get to the reason, try to be the bigger person and solve it
     
  8. Aviatrix

    Aviatrix Active Member

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    ^^^^This.

    ^^^and this!!!

    When was the last time you guys were out without the baby and the house chores, etc, etc, etc? As a working mother of two children (8 and 6 and I haven't killed them yet!) with a hubby who also works full-time (I haven't killed him yet either!) sometimes all I want to do is run away. Kids put a lot of strain on marriages, and if not handled properly can divide you two like you wouldn't believe. My hubby and I try and get out WITHOUT the kids and everytime we do, we're like: "MY GOD we need this!!" Take her on a date. If you're anywhere near Tustin I can recommend a couple excellent babysitters.
     
  9. RustyIron

    RustyIron Rob S.

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    Scotty, what's the problem? Women are SO easy to figure out. I'm surprised you haven't done that yet!


    So here's the deal. You're wife is a fine catch. Occasionally, though, she's a d-bag. If you man up and overlook these times, then everything will be ok.

    And you. Your a pretty good guy, but sometimes you're an a-hole. If you're wife is understanding and can overlook these times, then everything will be ok.

    Problems arise when she's being a d-bag and you're being an a-hole, and both of you are so proud that you won't back down. Since you can't control how anyone else behaves, it's up to you. When things start going bad, it's time for you to act like a gentleman.

    The only exception to this rule is me. I'm a totally awesome husband and I'm always cool all the time. It's been only 27 years, but I think I've almost convinced my wife of this.
     
  10. Revalimage

    Revalimage Active Member

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    Just a little insight from a complete over-worked wife with an at time VERY stressful job. I catch myself getting snappy after 14-21+ days straight of work (have only been able to ride maybe 4 times since June). And then the hubby still plays golf, and the laundry is not done. He makes me dinner and leaves the dishes, he comes home for work and still gets his workout in, etc.

    He is still completely perfect in my eyes (20+ years, love him more now) - most of the snappiness is not him doing something incorrectly or not enough - it's my own self inflicted dread of not being able to participate or having the time or energy to 'do it all'. My kids are 30, 27 and 15 - this is something that still gets me, and I've had just a 'few' years to figure it out. This is a society inflicted thing on working women, I can't speak for others - but as much as I try deny it, the stronger it comes back on me.

    He does try to make me stop doing the house stuff and take an hour off and get out and very much supports me getting out, but I have to remind him -- it's the housework, and stupid family stuff that fixes me inside, 'taking care of those I love and cherish more than anything'. The self inflicted guilt if I go, of the agony if I don't go...hhhmmm, you see the issue?

    So many women need to be reminded how different guys are, we are wired different, and that's okay. If you ask a guy what he's thinking and he says, 'nothing' -- he really is thinking, 'nothing'. And they don't see an issue with the laundry piling up or hairballs on the floor - there's a game on, etc.

    This is a season that will pass, just talk and remember to say you love her (hard to love a 'prickly pear' - someone/NOT you, needs to remind her of that) even if you're tired, you will get through this... and if all else fails, I have found sex fixes almost EVERYTHING wrong - that is what you need to practice more. Just a few of the fixes; a quick workout, a stress reliever (better than a bitch slap - or punching walls), you get to communicate love physical (and verbally if you're into that), time alone together, you don't have to get a babysitter, no money on expensive dinner, etc...

    Best to you both...
     
  11. giantschwinn

    giantschwinn Member

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    Kudos to you and how lucky your husband is. Not many women will type and admit this. When you find a woman that has the confidence to accept she can't do everything and doesn't let things get to her, you have found the right girl.

    I am grateful I have a woman in my life that's optimistic, confident and who always manages to see things from a glass half full perspective. She is supportive, encouraging and doesn't frat over when I go out to do a 4 hr ride or play tennis. Life is so easy without a woman that constantly gets on your case.

    P.S. I don't drink, smoke, gamble, chase other woman or go clubing. If you do any of the things here, can't blame your wife for getting on your case. I get up before 6am to do my things and am home before 11am on the weekends.
     
  12. bing!

    bing! Active Member

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    If I could buy a tool to fix a relationship, I'd pay for overnight delivery :)
     
  13. Kriller134

    Kriller134 Member

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    kids are relationship killers. there's a lot of great advise in this thread. communication is key and keeping the flame going is as equally important. from what I've learned through counseling, talking things through clearly goes a long way and also making time for each other is a must. plan date nights. if you guys are constantly at each other's throat, your kid(s) will start to pick up on it and that's never good.
     
  14. ADanFool

    ADanFool New Member

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    Dude. I could go on for hours about wife confrontations. Used to have them all the time, and they still pop up now and again. Whenever there is a flare up it helps me to think of the insightful words of a wise sage: "Women. Can't live with them. The end." Thank you Al Bundy.

    All jokes aside, try to work in a break from the ordinary if there are grandparents etc that can watch your daughter. For our 10 year anniversary we went to Vegas. I called ahead to the hotel and asked them if there was anything they could do to help us celebrate. They upgraded us to a 3 room suite for our 4 night stay. Greatest thing EVER. We spent 4 days there like we were dating again. No gambling, just sight-seeing, sleeping in, talking about our future together. It's times like that which put the other crap in perspective. I'd only paid $99/night through HotWire (yeah!) AND saved craploads on therapy!!
     
  15. herzalot

    herzalot Well-Known Member

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    what????
     
  16. A D NOH

    A D NOH Custom Newbie Title

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    That guy sounds like a guy I would hang out with.

    Some people celebrate red ribbon week all year. Haha
     
  17. SeanC

    SeanC Active Member

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    I love how the OP posted a simple rant and all the armchair psychologists have identified deep problems, the need to seek marriage counseling, and a pending divorce. Everyone's situation is different, don't apply your own crazy lives to this poor guy.

    Having full time jobs and kids and stress can pile up, and sometimes a rant is just a rant and maybe that's all there really is . . .
     
  18. herzalot

    herzalot Well-Known Member

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    Ya posts yer problems, ya gets suggestions... #-o
     

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