How to get your wife / girlfriend to mountain bike?

Some women respond much better to being coached by a woman. We approach things differently from men.

Women want to know:
-where are my feet supposed to be?
-where are my shoulders supposed to be?
-am I forward a bit or further back?
-do I grip the bar or am I supposed to relax more?

Men look at you and shrug and say: "Well, you just do it."

When you go riding with someone who has not ridden a mountain bike, you have to imagine you are riding with your mother or father (or grandmother for some of you punks with really young parents). Put that image in your head, and choose an appropriate pace, appropriate technical area, briefings and forewarnings, etc.

Briefing and forewarning
"Hey, so we're going to come upon a patch of sand here. The trick to this is getting into a low gear and spinning your legs really fast. If you're in a higher gear, and you mash through it, you'll get bogged down. So, low gear, lots of spin, and as much weight off of the handlebars as possible."

"Hey so we're coming up on a tight turn that climbs. Let's stop and look at it, then I want to show you a good technique for going through it..."

Just because you can muscle your way though something doesn't mean you should. People get a great sense of satisfaction and pride when the have done something difficult that they didn't think they could do.

It may not be difficult at all in your mind, but if it would surprise you to see your grandmother do, then stop, hike in and look at it, and coach the rider. You do this on a DH course all the time. Well, for them, ANY downhill and ANY technical sandy rocky section is a bit scary, and things are always easier once you've looked at them.

I coach new riders often (mostly women), and there is nothing greater than someone telling me she was scared when she started but is really proud of herself at the end of the ride and can't wait to go again. Most of that comes down to confidence.

 

Awesome... It's nice to know I'm not the only one who cries on SJT!! My first experience there was miserable, and I haven't been back since.

Oh yeah and guys - you're going to have to put up with some crying. We're girls, and we cry. We may be tougher than nails kind of chicks, but there will come a time when we eat it and cry like babies. If your woman eats it badly, but still wants to ride regardless of how hurt she got, then you know it's meant to be! If she says "F this!" and kicks her bike, you might want to just get her a gym membership and send her off to spin class.:lol:

 

I agree that there needs to be intrest on her part first. If shes into...sweet get a bike and go.

If there is no intrest...try to convince her how fun it is to drive a shuttle car.

 

just bring her to a newbie ride hosted by Mr. Dino Brown. This guy goes at a slow pace, gives pointers, loves taking pictures, and makes the ladies feel like pro's.

It worked for me. This past Saturday me and my girlfriend went out for a night of drinking and dancing till 2am. I following day at 7am my alarm came on, I opened the blinds, and turned on my Radio. LMAO dude my girl was pissed and hungover. I convinced her to come along and on our way to the loop she was complaining and pissed off at me.

Once we finished the loop she said "I WANT TO DO THIS MORE OFTEN, I HAD A GREAT TIME".

Thanks DINO BROWN.

 

Wifey hadn't ridden a bike since she was young and I took her to Fully during the summer for a thursday nighter. She did good considering. Then I f'ed up and took her to Peters in 100 degree heat. She hasn't ridden with me since.

The point(s):
To get her on the bike, just tell her "I enjoy MTB very much, it brings a lot of happiness to my life, and so do you. I would like you to share this with me, so that I can do my favorite activity with my favorite person. " (You may have to barter with her by agreeing to go to a play/opera/musical/art gallery with her)

Take care of all planning and preparations for the ride. Let her know what you are doing but don't ask for help unless you really need it.
When you are getting ready, plan more than enough time for her to get ready and get to the trailhead. Rushing=stress=fight=miserable experience. If you are able to drive leasurely and have a conversation on the way then the attitude and feelings of the ride will be relaxed.

Make her first few rides social events with quite a few people, that way she gets encouragement from more than one source. She will also feel safer because there are more people there. Make sure the trail isn't too hard and make sure it isn't blazing hot or too cold out. Ride behind her or beside her, don't lead all the time as this will make her feel like she is the anchor and is slowing you down. (Even if she is don't let her feel like it) Make sure it is a trail that you know like the back of your hand so you can tell her about trouble spots before they happen. Make sure you carry tubes and air for both bikes. After the ride, you load the bikes and take care of the gear and provide lots of positive reinforcement for her.

Then take small steps from there. Don't jump from the fully loop to VQ training ride. focus on doing the same trail a few times and them try others.

 

Ride or not, SUPPORT of our passion to ride is the key. I had an account on here prior to my current one which I had removed because of a boyfriend's jealousy over my rides and male friends I hit the trails with among other things. Never asked how my rides were or showed an ounce of support whatsoever. Stupid move on my part caving in to his pressure to leave STR and I pity the fool that pulls that again!! He was history soon after that one. A guy I date now rides motorcycles only but loves that I ride mountain bikes...the passion for two wheels is a common thread. Good enough for me...love me love my bike!!

 

A bit less than a year ago, I started my gf mtbing. Her first ride was on my 4X bike on the Fullerton Loop. The second time was on the advance trails at Gooseberry, and the third time (two days later) was on the Slickrock trail in Moab, both of those times also on the 4X bike. This is probably not the best way to get someone into it, but I think she immediately saw that mountain biking is a great excuse to go to some really cool places.

She had a few low-speed falls at Gooseberry, but she got up and kept going. Although she likes outdoors stuff, she's does not have a hardcore personality (if you could imagine a typical Japanese woman who's only been in the US for 10 years, you may understand what I mean - she's fairly conservative and reserved).

So here are a few suggestions:
1) Don't buy a bike. Try to borrow one. There's a lot less pressure to ride if you don't invest a lot into a bike. She won't feel as obligated to ride, which can ruin the desire.

2) Just like a kid, offer treats related to riding, such as going to a nice dinner the evening after a ride. Keep it fun. My gf likes to go to Jamba Juice afterward. It's a real treat for her, so I gladly oblige.

3) Remind her that it's ok to walk hills. Perhaps you can share stories how you used to walk the same hills when you started out (I was just mentioning some of the hills I used to walk while riding yesterday on the Fullerton Loop).

4) It's ok to walk technical sections. It takes time to build up the confidence that bikes will go over about anything. Don't encourage her to do anything that she's not comfortable with. If she falls doing something she didn't want to do, it's not likely that she'll be back.

5) Make sure she has a sense of accomplishment. If she does have this, build on it. Help her establish little goals, such as being able to climb various hills. And make sure to let her know that it may take a dozen or more attempts. Some form of motivation will help, but it has to come from within, so let her pick what the goals. But these come only after a few rides. The first few rides the goal is simply to survive - seriously.

6) Make sure she doesn't feel rushed. Take your time, and expect to be on the trail much longer than you think. Also, plan for shortcuts (the Fullerton Loop is great for this). Judge her conditions, and offer the shortcuts when you think they're needed.

7) Bring snacks. You may know that you can do the whole ride in an hour without eating. However, you will be stopping a lot to rest, so it's nice to stop for a while and eat some snacks. Fresh fruit is nice.

8 ) Although many recommend pads for a first time rider, I almost disagree. My gf had a bad crash while descending Blackstar Canyon (her longest ride), and her arm was badly cut requiring stitches. She also destroyed her helmet. She now insists on wearing elbow and knee pads even on the Fullerton Loop. However, many new riders will feel overwhelmed with equipment for the first few times out. This gear can be uncomfortable for many reasons, causing them to not want to ride. Having to wear all the gear can be a deterrent. Let them skin up a knee or elbow, then they'll want to wear it. Be prepared with a first aid kit to take care of her when she does get skinned up.

9) Proper bike setup is nice, but if you're just borrowing, just make sure it's reasonably comfortable. Make sure to buy shorts with pads, and repeatedly remind her that her butt (and other nearby parts) won't hurt as much after she starts to ride more often. This will take time. Make sure her helmet fits properly.

10) Damn...I really need a 10th item...I'll have to come up with something. You can't have a list of 9 items when 10 just seems so much better.
EDIT: (I have a 10th item!) For the first couple rides, skip the group rides. Group rides create too much pressure. Just get out there with just the two of you and take your time. This will make her feel that she's not rushed, or more importantly to many women, is that she won't feel that she's inconveniencing anyone else by making others wait. Even after my gf's been riding for a bit, we did one of the newbie rides, and we found ourselves at the back of the group. By no means was it her fault. In fact, it was really mine, because I was playing on a jump. To absolutely make sure we were DFL, I had a flat. Because it was clear that I was the one slowing us up, the pressure was off of her (this wasn't intentional, but it worked well). You may also find that deliberately stopping to play on some obstacles or stunts may give her a chance to rest while you continue to have fun showing off. It could also be a chance to make adjustements to your bike (suspension, seat, or handlebar positioning, etc.)

I do have some suggestions to help a beginner survive group rides, but I'll save those for later.

So far, I think I've been doing well getting my gf mountain biking. Initially, I thought she rode only because I wanted her to. Now, she's been asking to ride more and more.

In regards to the "me" rides. She knows I really like DH rides, but she understands that these DH rides are well beyond the scope of her capabilities, so she gladly lets me do "my" rides without her. Otherwise, I'm enjoying being able to do road trips and regular riding with her. Sure, I may not do as many of the fun STR rides on the weekends, but I consider my efforts of the slow rides an investment into her skills and our future. :clap:

 

...and in SD, we have me (sdyeti) and Dan (Man blong Gaua)!

I started mtb with my ex. He "showed" me how to ride by bringing me out on fire roads (East coast) and riding so far ahead of me that I couldn't keep up. Then, he would *yell* at me for mis-shifting, etc. This was all on a fully rigid, steel Nishiki, btw. I agree somewhat that you might not want to spend big $$ on a bike right away, but putting her on a klunker is not the best way to go.

I kept riding but pretty soon found myself going on rides with my LBS or alone. He was not a good coach or teacher. Needless to say, we split for that and many other reasons...I also got better than him and he didn't like that...

I learned more by trial and error (which is why I think I have so many bad habits). Taking a clinic or having someone to coach me would have been so helpful. For example, a whole year after I started riding DH, Dan showed me how to properly do a drop by coaching me on a curb. It was like...AHA!!! But nobody had ever showed me before...would explain all the crashes I had...

Luckily, I was single when I met Dan (at a bike race) and we were both passionate about bikes. The rest is history, as they say. I can't imagine my SO not riding...

Anyway...this thread has had lots of great advice, so I'll try not to duplicate...

1) don't yell at her...period!

2) having a SO who is already athletic helps, but is not the be-all-end-all

3) maybe set it up so there is another girl who she can ride with

4) be prepared for her to hate it...or love it (in which case, she might start racking up the credit card)...

 

Hmmmm ... interesting thread. My old uncle took me on my first mountain bike ride a little over a year ago, and he shattered his shoulder and had to get surgery on that ride (he then gave up mtb) ... so, uh, I had to figure out how to MTB on my own at first. And then I found socaltrailriders.org, and you guys taught me everything after that! I enjoyed the challenge for sure - trying to keep up with people or follow people's lines.

Anyway, I tried to get my now-ex boyfriend into mountain biking, and it was a disaster. Same with my dad. These are the mistakes that I made:

1. I had them ride clipless pedals. They could not clip out and fell over.
2. I took them down trails I myself hadn't ridden before, so I didn't know how "hard" they would be. And we got lost.
3. I had them ride bikes too small for them - and not set up correctly.
4. I took my ex on a trail in the afternoon, and it was almost dark before we got back ... no newbie should have to ride w/ decreased visibility.

That said, I had a great ride with my 50-year-old mother at the Fullerton loop. I put her on flat pedals, a good-fitting and properly set-up bike and an easy trail that I know well. Also, I tried to only give her positive encouragement ... I kinda just teased my ex, and that negative reinforcement doesn't work too well in my opinion. The Manns are an exception for sure!

Oh also ... I agree with a couple of the people (like Sharky) who say that the passion has to be there. Some people are just NOT going to like mountain biking no matter what. There has to be some natural affinity for it.

 

This is so important! It was brought home to me one day a couple of years ago - I was visiting in NorCal and was near one of my favorite parks but without a bike, and so I rented a bike from a local shop. It wasn't that great a bike but I figured, hey, I'm a fair rider, its the rider, not the equpiment, I know the trail, no prob...

WRONG. The thing was pewp. It didn't turn well, it had problems shifting, it was heavy, and it was a handling nightmare. I had to walk things I never had before or since. If that had been my first ride on a mtn bike I would have never gone back.

 

At the newbie ride last week, Linda fell while trying to pound out a climb on Telegraph in Chino Hills. When she was lying down on her side, she started crying. I asked her what was wrong, and she said, "I'm frustrated because I fell." I told her, "We all fall my love, it's part of riding." She said, "I don't care, I don't want to fall. I want to ride."

She complained a few times up the hill, but on the way home I was asking her what she liked about riding, and it was the speed on the flats.

One more bit of advice, sometimes too much coaching can get on her nerves. Linda is tired of me telling her to get her weight back on the downhills. She finally told me, "I've heard you say that a hundred times. I know it. I just don't know how to do it yet." Some things just have to be learned over time.

 

Good point about no coaching.

Those who know me know I'm quick to offer advice to those who I know want to get better.

However, with my gf, I rarely offer any riding suggestions. I do compliment her on the positive things she already does, such as "Good body positioning through that section," or "That's good that you're keeping your butt off your seat over those bumps."
This indirectly gives advice by reinforcing positive things she already does. After she's beyond survival mode, I'll work on offering advice.

 

Ok... this is really sharing...tmi...

My wife & I actually sort of started "dating" on Mtbs. She'd steal her Dad's Mtnbike & I was a Rockhopper geek. She was married at the time and I actually used to pick her up from her house and see her husband waving bye bye to us as we'd drive off to the trail "head". Now I know yer all rollin' yer eyes but it was purely platonic.... Honest!... Ok... for a while anyway... Long story short... ...He was a cross-dresser (no offense Dino) and I was a STUD... (Somewhat Traditional Unmarried Dude)! Anyway, MTB love can happen!

 

The wife didn't like being left at home every weekend so she had two choices, get over it (i hope she doesn't see this post ), or get out on the trail with me. We rode every weekend for over a year. Then she got pregnant and that was the end.

She talks about going back out on the the trail since our son is 1yrs and can stay with family while we ride but she hasn't done it yet. I have some good friends I have been riding with for years but I really miss riding with my wife. Soon as I can get my kid on a bike the family will be back on the trail.

She still reads all my MTB rags when they come so I guess there is still a little hope. She is also the one who pushes me out of the house when I haven't been on a ride in a while. I'm lucky to never have a fight over me spending to much time or money on my bike. I have a keeper...

 

Hello and welcome,
Introduce her to the Trail Angels to get her acquainted with mtb'n. This way you and her can be spared the frustration of her trying to kill herself to keep up. The girls are a blast and have many beginner rides. Great friendships and learning from this group. www.trailangels.com I rode for 6 years married to a man who had no interest at all.. Now I'm with someone who loves it almost as much as myself!!

 

What about the female point of view???

Ok, it's time to turn this thing around. I know this is a male dominated sport but.......How many women out there wish their husbands didn't ride, or would rather stay home with the kids and the housework????:lol::lol::lol:

Roger won't let me ride alone, he thinks I'm a big baby when I get hurt!!! :lol: I've tried to leave him at home, but that only works if I'm going on an all girls ride, and sometimes he still tags along (he's one of the Trail Angel Trail Males).

 

Make the first rides short, easy and fun. The fully loop is a good place to start.

Good luck, it can be done.

 

That's what he said!! Roger loves short rides, I love long rides!!!!! His comment to me is, be greatful you get to ride at all!!! A short rides is bettr' than nuttin'.

 

Start at a nice beginner trail...

Try riding at JPL (pasadena)..the arroyyo seco trail..
not a very difficult uphill.....
very gradual...highly covered in trees (doesn't get very hot)....rides along a nice little stream....
You can bring a picnic lunch for both of you and eat at the camp site 1 mile in...
if your girlfriend/wife gets to tired then just walk the bikes...theirs lots of nature and wooded areas to see.....
....see lots of fathers who bring their small kids to practice biking up there......also older couples walking/hiking that trail...
....trail goes about 4 miles in...but theirs many stops and sitting benches along the way...if it gets to extreme or tiring..you can always head back...

 

Some 20 years ago when my wife and I first got together, I screwed up a load of laundry and washed and dried her good wool suit. (Ooooops) Was just trying to help out! :?: Since then, have not had to do a lick of laundry. Burned the water when making some boiled eggs, so haven't had to cook since then either. Mixed two cleaners when cleaning the bathroom and almost killed us all, including the cats, from the poisonous fumes. So... no more housework for me! :drunk:
Dropped a tree on the house with the chain saw after a bad storm. No yard work! :bang:

She still "let's" me ride my bike though!!

All kidding aside:
1) Ask yourself if YOU want her to start riding.
2) If yes, ask her if SHE would like to start riding.
3) If yes, pick a short easy ride. You can always ride it twice if she is having a good time. Go with just the two of you. One, so she doesn't feel intimidated by others watching. And two, so no one else will hear her chew yer a$$ when she falls and takes it out on you. :lol::lol:
4) Maybe even go hike it first so she can see that she won't be in over her head. And to share what you know already about the trail.
5) Stop often and see how she's doing. She might not tell you if you don't ask. I didn't have that problem with my wife but as always, your mileage may vary!
6) Have fun. It's why most of us ride anyway.

I can tell you from first-hand experience that taking vacations to exotic mountain bike locales is easier when your spouse rides too. It's up to you two if it is more fun...