RR: San Clemente Single Track

[northshore]

I recently rode the San Clemente Single Track this past Saturday 11/17/07 with two of my other buddies. (I apologize for no photos/videos but I wish I had them). My buddy from San Diego (let's call him Cheech) has been wanting to try mountain biking for the longest time. He calls me the night before totally excited because he borrowed a bike from a fellow co-worker. I gave him a brief run down of what he needs and then at the end of the conversation he tells me, "Dude, the rear derailluer won't shift." I told him to stop by early in the morning and we will take a look at it.

The next morning Cheech arrives with an old Specialized Rock Hopper full rigid. Not only will it split gonads in half, it also has a derailluer stuck in one gear, the left crank had a standard platform pedal, the right crank had an old school plastic slide in shoe style pedal. Good god. I'm wondering how is he going to ride this beast.

The bikes are racked, and off to the trail head to meet up with another long time friend of mine (let's call him Chong). None of us are bike mechanic gods. The derailluer worked but unfortunately was only able to use 4 out of the 8 cogs. Oh well, at least you can ride it.

Chong and I were cruising down the street pass the dog park and waited up for Cheech to catch up and get comfortable with the beast of a bike. P.S. the Trail Head like Milf park in Aliso had been renamed by Chong as hot azz corner from well sourced reasons. Once Cheech caught up, Chong and I were bombing through the single tracks and made a few stops along the way to chat with hikers, listen to wild life lurking about, and the best entertainment yet, Cheech on the dreaded beast.

Don't get me wrong. I'm all about helping out folks that are new coming into the sport since so many STR folks have helped me but this is Cheech we are talking about. The man that has pulled a number of practical jokes on me and has beaten me in a number of sports, games, whatever it maybe. This was a semi-comical payback. This was guys being guys. This was Dino versus Hugh type of payback. Granted, Chong and I both agreed the single tracks were not really a newb friendly area but Cheech decided to join at the last minute even after considering all the friendly warnings.

Mind you, Cheech is a gentleman of sorts. He doesn't cuss, he is proper, always looking at the positive end of the spectrum. Combine this personality with a full rigid bike, a single track, and it spells comical disaster. Again, I wouldn't normally laugh at another person's plight because it's just plain (F'ed up) but this is Cheech again. The man that is proper except when it comes to my well being.

Chong and I continued to bomb up and down single tracks and then we would wait in silence. Here comes Cheech coming down a narrow stretch of single track. We watch his front wheel slip and down he goes tumbing down a mild embankment. What causes the crash isn't funny, what happens during the crash is near cartoonish funny. You hear branches, brush, and just about everything cracking, tearing, tumbling, all while he is cussing up a storm on the way down, MOTHER F'ING, A-HOLE, SH*T, F'ER, every name in the urban dictonary came out of his mouth during those numerous crashes. Cheech tells us, "Man, you really got me back for the numerous times I jacked you up." We even noticed two other trail riders at the top of the ridge watching this whole thing and laughing out loud. It was quality entertainment for everyone.

After awhile, I feel bad for the guy and I told him to ride my FS bike so he can feel the difference. Cheech is amazed, Chong jokingly tells Cheech, "...if he didn't let you ride his FS I would personally hold it againt him." Mind you, Chong can't even define what the word proper means. Cheech is pedaling like a maniac claiming, "Wow what a difference!" I'm riding the full rigid claiming, "Wow, so much rear traction, so much control, and the bike feels like a feather."

All three of us are now happily bombing up and down the single tracks. Towards the back half, a huge down hill approaches with a large up hill on the other side. Chong bombs it and waits on the other end. Cheech takes his time and pedals hard on the other end. And there is me, I bomb it down the hill with full confidence. I'm looking ahead towards the middle bottom and I see a small tree root that I would "normally" run over with no issues with my FS bike. In under a single second, the front tire slams into the tree root like a brick wall, the handle bar rips to the right and I go sailing over the bars and land face first, arms stretched, mouth full of dirt and a couple of cut legs trailing behind me. I never heard so much laughter in my life. Cheech and Chong laughed, other trail riders laughed, the wild animals laughed, the MPs at the Camp Pedalton guard shack laughed, the snipers laughed, sh*t I was laughing.

Through all that, Chong tells Cheech, "You got him back...." Not quite I tell him. Once you reach the back half there is still that massive hill you have to climb before reaching a fire road back to hot azz corner. When we reach the base of the incline Cheech's mouth drops and he looks at me and said, "SH*T" and it was probably the longest most disparing hike a bike he has ever done. When he reaches the top he tells Chong and I, "I would do anything for a piece of flat road." and he admits to surrender.

Believe me, I'm sure he will get me back some how, some day......

[cjwally]

Great review. I could almost picture you falling while reading...