RR: Pasadena to Carlsbad

[S54MCoupe]

Myself and Brian (MTBMaven) started off in Pasadena at 5:00am. I hate waking up in the morning, even at 11:00am, so getting up at 4:00am was crappy. Luckily, I had a bunch of (super hot) babes there to make sure I got out of bed on time. That is there primary job. I have other babes that do other stuff, but these ones just wake me up (and cook me breakfast, since my breakfast cooking babes took this Friday off, I'll probably get rid of them for that)

Riding down Rosemead to the river trail at 5:00am made me realize that the sun usualy isn't out that early, which I never knew (and never had any reason to) since getting up that early isn't a consideration in my life. That's cool though, I have built in night-vision so it made no difference.

Riding down the river trail, we ran into a Biblical plague of gnats, or flys... or something. I pulled out my Specialized Team Issue shades to protect my eyes, and that helped, but it also messed with my night vision, which caused me to run over a thorn and give me a flat tire. The plague was bad, there were gnats in the hair of my arms and my facial hair. I was so pissed I found the queen gnat and slapped her (with the back of my hand) across her face.

So I fixed my flat in a record time of about 20 minutes (it took that long because I had to call out some of the babes I know to fix it for me since I was tired)

We got to Seal Beach and I bought a Gatorade, two Paydays and assorted Pastries, one of which I didn't eat and I gave to some guy who was drinking a coffee. He thanked me and asked for a hand shake. I said yes, shook his hand, did a wheelie, and we rode off.

We went through Seal Beach and through Huntington. There were a lot of babes who wanted us. Hell, even the dudes seem like the wanted us, but that's how it goes.

We continued on through all the other Costal Cities. If anyone remembers the story in the Bible of Jesus riding on a donkey as people laid palm branches on the road in front of him.... that's pretty much what most of this ride was like for us. It was serious business. Seriously. People were laying out Palm Branches all over the place, and the people who didn't have access to palm brances laid out money, gold and other cool stuff that we didn't need.

So whatever. I was pretty pissed off about getting at speeding ticket last time I rode the shoulder of the 5 freeway, so we decided to take the route through Camp Pendelton.

The Marines immediatly drew their weapons when the saw me. They thought I was either Chuck Norris or Rambo... maybe a hybrid of the two. Either way, they were relieived when they saw my intentions were nothing but good. They let me through the base, no problem. They tried to give me a bronze star for kicking some intruders ass, but I couldn't accept it, I was in too much of a hurry.

We went through Oceanside and I ended up involved in a drag race against a Mustang 5.0 with a sweet exhaust, NOS and a mean body kit. Sure enough I won, and I found out that it was being filmed for an episode of Pinks which will air on Speed Network sometime next season. If anyone can give me lift, I gotta go pick up my car in Oceanside.

So we got to Carlsbad, I made out with a bunch of babes and got a massage, and then I went to sleep.

Brian continued on to San Diego, because he is married and couldn't get mixed up with all the babes. I'm sure that his wife wouldn't mind the fact that between mile 86 and mile 98 he had a girl on his handlebars. She was hitchiking and realized we would probably get her there faster than a car.

That was my ride. It was pretty cool.

Thanks.

Ok bye.

[BrewMaster]

Funny stuff.

[JoeTruth]

[SIZE=3]Wow, that's some funny material! Great imagination...or...you really are as good looking, as talented and as fortunate (or unfortunate) as you say. Lucky you, mang!

Good call either way!

[/SIZE]

[mtnbikerfred]

Dood!! You must be related to Napolean Dynamite!!!

[VTVic]

Hilarious! I wish I could have seen the queen's reaction after you slapped her across the face.

[Pain Freak]

Yes, Jesse is Gods gift to us all.

[PacMan]

That writing reminded me of the writing on Thesuperficial.com

Funny stuff.

[MTBMaven]

Every bit of it is true. What Jesse didn't mention was that I got down to SD from Carlsbad in about 15 minutes. Total ride 132 miles in a very unrespectable time of 9 hours and 15 minutes. That does include all breaks, basically I hit start in Pasadena and end at the train station in SD.