Ride Report: LB to SD

[S54MCoupe]

Some of this story may not be true. That is for the reader to decide. Thank you.

We hopped on the train down to LB at 5:15. A fight between two rival gangs broke out somewhere between the Slauson and Compton stops. I ended up stabbing a few homies in self defense, but the police quickly let me go when they saw we were trying to maintain a tight shedule for our bike ride.

So, we headed off from Long Beach and made our way through Seal Beach and Huntington. We made it into Newport just in time to see all of the MILFs driving their husband's Porsches on the way to the gym. They kept trying to stop us and talk to us, but we were in a hurry. I told them I would be cruising back through in about 12 hours and that they were more than welcome to wait for me. Brian is a married man, so it was important that we continued on before we got into any trouble.

We kept a steady pace, and despite not eating breakfast, we were doing pretty well. We hopped on the bike path around San Onofre, which, according to my coputer, goes on forever. This is a good thing, because there are no stop signs and no traffic.

Smarter men would take the path through Camp Pendelton, but I refused. I lost my ID back on the train to LB when I threw it like a Ninja Star and it became lodged in someones neck. The police were forced to take it as evidence, so we were forced to take the 5 freeway.

We found the proper onramp, and made our way down the 5 or 6 mile stretch of freeway. Sure enough, we got pulled over for speeding, but it wasn't a big deal. When the cop noticed who we were, he simply asked for out autograph, because his son was a big fan of ours. We took off again, and Brian blew a spoke. According to his Powertap, he was putting out around 1,900 watts on the flats, so I am not suprised.

We found a bikeshop in Oceanside, but the kids working there were jackoffs and told Brian they didn't have time to fix his spoke. We were forced to ride another 20 or so miles to Encinitas. Nytro Bikes was rad and the guy fixed him up really quick. There was also a MILF there, but she was with her husband and her kid, so she didn't talk to us... although you could tell she really wanted to. I slipped her my phone number on the way out the door. Her husband was pissed until he realized who we were... then he just asked for our autographs and said he would make sure she called us soon.

From here, it was pretty uneventful. I hadn't consumed nearly enough calories, and I was fading fast. I turned around at Torrey Pines and made my way back to Irvine.

There were a lot of hot babes out (most of them nude, too) so it wasn't too bad of a ride. Again, they kept trying to stop me and seduce me, but I was trying to keep on schedule.

By Carlsbad, I was feeling like crap, but this is one thing for sure: While on the phone with my buddy Kyle, I counted 19 (and this is dead serious) gorgeous ladies all within earshot, all in bikinis. I was overwhelmed, but this did give me a bit of energy, haha. I have pretty high standards, but I was seriously stunned. God Bless Carlsbad beach.

So anyways, back to the 5 freeway. You catch the draft of the Semis passing, and haul some serious ass. In Laguna I grabbed two slices of Pizza and a ton of Pepsi. About 30 minutes after eating the Calories caught up and I felt GREAT. By the time I turned on Jamboree, I was in my Drops and crusing at around 25 mph. I stopped for a little while to talk to all the MILFS who had been waiting for me for the last 12 hours. It was nice.

I had some time to kill so I kept riding around. I got stuck next time some punk ass kids at 2 consecutive lights who wouldn't stop yelling. I help my composure and didn't look at them. Turns out they turned onto the street where my friends girlfriend lives. It also turns out that they only live a few blocks from her. It also turns out that they parked their truck right in front of their house. It also turns out that we now know where the live. They caused me no harm, so I wont cause them any. They only annoyed me, so I will only annoy them. They will learn to fear the stretchy pants.

That was pretty much it. My friend who was picking me up brought my swim trunks, so we jumped in his girlfriends jacuzzi. It was rad.

That was the ride, more or less. Thanks.

[Pain Freak]

I don't believe the part where you said you had a friend in Irvine....everything else sounds pretty legit.

[Burner]

what was your route from long beach to newport?

[RidetheRAAM4]

i dont believe the part about the bikes!

[MTBMaven]

Great write up. From now on you are in charge of write ups. You capture all the little details I forget, like the fights, the MILFs, etc. Tons of laughs, dude...good times.

[S54MCoupe]

Yeah, the Irvine friend and the parts involving bicycles werent true

Burner: Mainly just PCH with a bike path thrown in for good measure. MTB Maven would remember exactly where the bike path was better than me.

[MTBMaven]

Route:
Started in Long Beach at the end of the Blue Line. Basically on Ocean Blvd. Dropped down to the bike path to avoid narrow lanes on Ocean through Belmont Heights. 2nd St. to PCH. PCH to San Clemente, which then turns into El Camino. At the end of El Camino Real a path takes you along Tressels, and San Onofre State Beach. After San Onofre and crossing under the freeway we hopped on the 5 at The Fleas (or more commonly known as Los Pulgas) to Oceanside Blvd/101/PCH. Once in Oceanside it's PCH all the way to Torre Pines. The route at this point gets a little confusing but you basically traverse UCSD, Rose Canyon, Mission Bay, and then the airport. If you need better directions down in SD I have a TOPO file I can send.