Rules of the Road(ie) Part 2

[PacMan]

I enjoyed the first post --Rules of the road(ie)..., so I decided to add to it. I think this has been posted before, but it's funny, so a re-post won't hurt.


Road Cycling Terminology Explained:

• I'm out of shape.
  Translation: I ride 400 miles a week and haven't missed a day since the Ford administration. My body fat percentage is lower than your mortgage rate.
• I'm not into competition.
  Translation: I will attack until you collapse in the gutter, babbling and whimpering like a little girl. I will win the town-line sprint if I have to hook you into oncoming traffic. I will crest this hill first if I have to grab your seatpost and spray energy drink in your eyes.
• I'm on my beater bike.
  Translation: I had this baby custom-made in Tuscany using titanium blessed by the Pope. I took it to a wind tunnel and it disappeared. It weighs less than a fart and costs more than a divorce.
• It's not that hilly.
  Translation: This climb lasts longer than a presidential campaign. Be careful on the steep sections or you'll tip over -- backward. You have a 39x23 low gear? Here's the name of my knee surgeon.
• This energy bar tastes like real food.
  Translation: This energy bar tastes like real dog food. It's been in the bottom of my gear bag since Lance's first Tour win.
• It's not that windy.
  Translation: Yes, that was a mobile home cartwheeling by.
• This is a no-drop ride.
  Translation: This is a 40 mile ride. By the time you get both feet clipped in you'll already be at least 2 miles off the back. I'll need an article of your clothing for the search-and-rescue dogs.