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10-22-2007, 07:56 AM
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#1 (permalink) |
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Old School BMXer
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Memo from Human Resources
[FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][SIZE=4]It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company[/SIZE][/FONT][SIZE=3][SIZE=2][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA]have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their[/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA]co-workers. Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated. We do, however, realize the critical[/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA]importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with[/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA]co-workers. Therefore, a list of 18 New and Innovative phrases have been provided so that[/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][SIZE=4][SIZE=2]proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.[/SIZE]
[/SIZE][/FONT][/SIZE][/SIZE][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][SIZE=4]1) TRY SAYING: [/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][SIZE=4]I think you could use more training. [/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][SIZE=4]INSTEAD OF: [/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][SIZE=4]You don't know what the f___ you're doing. [/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][SIZE=4]2) TRY SAYING: [/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][SIZE=4]She's an aggressive go-getter. [/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][SIZE=4]INSTEAD OF: [/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][SIZE=4]She's a ball-busting b__ch. [/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][SIZE=4]3) TRY SAYING: [/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][SIZE=4]Perhaps I can work late. [/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][SIZE=4]INSTEAD OF: [/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][SIZE=4]And when the f___ do you expect me to do this? [/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][SIZE=4]4) TRY SAYING: [/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][SIZE=4]I'm certain that isn't feasible. [/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][SIZE=4]INSTEAD OF: [/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][SIZE=4]No f___ing way. [/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][SIZE=4]5) TRY SAYING: [/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][SIZE=4]Really? [/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][SIZE=4]INSTEAD OF: [/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][SIZE=4]You've got to be sh__ing me! [/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][SIZE=4]6) TRY SAYING: [/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][SIZE=4]Perhaps you should check with... [/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][SIZE=4]INSTEAD OF: [/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][SIZE=4]Tell someone who gives a sh__. [/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][SIZE=4]7) TRY SAYING: [/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][SIZE=4]I wasn't involved in the project. [/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][SIZE=4]INSTEAD OF: [/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][SIZE=4]It's not my f____ing problem. [/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][SIZE=4]  TRY SAYING:[/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][SIZE=4]That's interesting. [/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][SIZE=4]INSTEAD OF: [/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][SIZE=4]What the f___? [/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][SIZE=4]9) TRY SAYING: [/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][SIZE=4]I'm not sure this can be implemented. [/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][SIZE=4]INSTEAD OF: [/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][SIZE=4]This sh__ won't work. [/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][SIZE=4]10) TRY SAYING: [/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][SIZE=4]I'll try to schedule that. [/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][SIZE=4]INSTEAD OF:[/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][SIZE=4]Why the f_ __ing h _ll didn't you tell me sooner? [/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][SIZE=4]11) TRY SAYING: [/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][SIZE=4]He's not familiar with the issues. [/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][SIZE=4]INSTEAD OF: [/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][SIZE=4]He's got his head up his a__. [/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][SIZE=4]12) TRY SAYING: [/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][SIZE=4]Excuse me, sir? [/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][SIZE=4]INSTEAD OF: [/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][SIZE=4]Eat sh__ and die. [/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][SIZE=4]13) TRY SAYING: [/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][SIZE=4]So you weren't happy with it? [/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][SIZE=4]INSTEAD OF: [/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][SIZE=4]Kiss my a__. [/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][SIZE=4]14) TRY SAYING: [/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][SIZE=4]I'm a bit overloaded at the moment. [/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][SIZE=4]INSTEAD OF: [/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][SIZE=4]F___ it, I'm on salary. [/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][SIZE=4]15) TRY SAYING:[/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][SIZE=4] I don't think you understand. [/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][SIZE=4]INSTEAD OF:[/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][SIZE=4] Shove it up your a__. [/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][SIZE=4]16) TRY SAYING: [/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][SIZE=4]I love a challenge. [/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][SIZE=4]INSTEAD OF: [/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][SIZE=4]This job sucks. [/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][SIZE=4]17) TRY SAYING: [/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][SIZE=4]You want me to take care of that? [/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][SIZE=4]INSTEAD OF: [/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][SIZE=4]Who the h___ died and made you boss? [/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][SIZE=4]18 ) TRY SAYING: [/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][SIZE=4]He's somewhat insensitive. [/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][SIZE=4]INSTEAD OF: [/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][SIZE=4]He's a pr_ck. [/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=ITC Korinna SWA][/FONT][FONT=Monotype Corsiva][SIZE=6]Thank You, Human Resources [/SIZE][/FONT]
__________________
Speed has never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary... that's what gets you. May the air be filled with tires! |
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| post thanked by: |
Chaos (10-22-2007),
Evil Chocula (10-22-2007),
MOSH1DH (10-22-2007),
Permagrin (10-22-2007),
SAR_boats (10-23-2007),
slayer (10-22-2007),
slowSSer (10-22-2007),
Sprockethead (10-22-2007),
un-kola (10-23-2007),
Wrecker (10-22-2007)
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10-22-2007, 08:02 AM
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#2 (permalink) |
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ali'i hua
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funny! yet, somehow true. some of the people here in my office could use this.
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"...the weather will continue to change, on and off, for a long, long time" -Al Sleet, the hippy dippy weatherman RIP George Carlin http://www.myspace.com/setswim |
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10-22-2007, 09:07 AM
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#3 (permalink) |
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V.P. Kickstand Inspection
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aWW....That's sh*at went all the time at the mill! Too Funny!!!
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"To travel by bicycle is a humble, nonagressive way to get close to people. It is a way of saying we are passing through with no thought of invasion or conquest, only the simple will to share a part of the road...Claude Herve, cycled around the world |
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10-22-2007, 11:34 AM
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#5 (permalink) |
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l'homme plus
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Try this...
Swearing at work boosts team spirt, morale: research, see below...
http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20071017/wl_uk_afp/britainemploymentlanguageoffbeat;_ylt=Age4A24TjfBV fIQzxbbYjNSs0NUE
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Downhill Web Kook Git sum! |
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10-22-2007, 11:54 AM
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#6 (permalink) | |
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STR Veteran
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Quote:
I could use this  [FONT=Monotype Corsiva][SIZE=6][FONT=Monotype Corsiva][SIZE=6][/SIZE][/FONT] [/SIZE][/FONT]
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...the deeper one's spritual realization, the more lightly one walks upon the Earth. - Christopher Bache Hugh: "You can roll it, it's not that far of a fall" |
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10-23-2007, 12:17 AM
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#8 (permalink) |
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Go Angels!
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I'm an hourly puke operating a processing unit in an oil refinery. Management expects us to talk like that all the time! So we tell them,"With a firm twisting, pulling motion,please remove your head from your southbound end and listen up!" For some reason they don't think we're "Team Players".
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Damn,gunna need a lot of stitches for this one.
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| post thanked by: |
SAR_boats (10-23-2007)
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