and another weekend humor: Male & Female ATM Procedure

[foofighter]

[FONT=Verdana]MALE VS. FEMALE AT THE ATM MACHINE

A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:


'Please note that this Bank is installing new
Drive-through ATM machines enabling
customers to withdraw cash without leaving
their vehicles.


Customers using this new facility are
requested to use the procedures outlined
below when accessing their accounts.


After months of careful research,
MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been
developed.
Please follow the Appropriate steps for
your gender.'

*******************************
MALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.


*******************************


FEMALE PROCEDURE:
Unfortunately, most of this part
is the Truth.!!!!


1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required
amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on
to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call
them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access
to machine due to its excessive distance
from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary
with your PIN written on the inside
back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet
and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register
and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder,
and place card into the slot provided!
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver
waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.


[/FONT]

[BrewMaster]

I dare you to show your wife that, Foo. Couches are actually pretty comfortable to sleep on.

[DeeZee]

Originally Posted by foofighter

[FONT=Verdana]MALE VS. FEMALE AT THE ATM MACHINE [/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana]A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads: [/FONT]


[FONT=Verdana]'Please note that this Bank is installing new [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]Drive-through ATM machines enabling [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]customers to withdraw cash without leaving [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]their vehicles. [/FONT]


[FONT=Verdana]Customers using this new facility are [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]requested to use the procedures outlined [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]below when accessing their accounts. [/FONT]


[FONT=Verdana]After months of careful research, [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]developed. [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]Please follow the Appropriate steps for [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]your gender.' [/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana]******************************* [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]MALE PROCEDURE: [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]1. Drive up to the cash machine. [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]2. Put down your car window. [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN. [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw. [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt. [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]6. Put window up. [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]7. Drive off. [/FONT]


[FONT=Verdana]******************************* [/FONT]


[FONT=Verdana]FEMALE PROCEDURE: [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]Unfortunately, most of this part [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]is the Truth.!!!! [/FONT]


[FONT=Verdana]1. Drive up to cash machine. [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]2. Reverse and back up the required [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]amount to align car window with the machine. [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]3. Set parking brake, put the window down. [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]4. Find handbag, remove all contents on [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]to passenger seat to locate card. [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]5. Tell person on cell phone you will call [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]them back and hang up. [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]6. Attempt to insert card into machine. [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]7. Open car door to allow easier access [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]to machine due to its excessive distance [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]from the car. [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]8. Insert card. [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]9. Re-insert card the right way. [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]10. Dig through handbag to find diary [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]with your PIN written on the inside [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]back page. [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]11. Enter PIN. [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN. [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]13. Enter amount of cash required. [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]14. Check makeup in rear view mirror. [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]15. Retrieve cash and receipt. [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]and place cash inside. [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]17. Write debit amount in check register [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]and place receipt in back of checkbook. [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]18. Re-check makeup. [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]19. Drive forward 2 feet. [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]20. Reverse back to cash machine. [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]21. Retrieve card. [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]and place card into the slot provided! [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]23. Give dirty look to irate male driver [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]waiting behind you. [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]24. Restart stalled engine and pull off. [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]25. Redial person on cell phone. [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles. [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]27. Release Parking Brake. [/FONT]

[foofighter]

LOL dont shoot the messenger! im just passing it along. I'll show it to my wife...actually i'll email it to her she's usually a good sport about it LOL

[ShinKen]

muhahahahhaaaa sadd but truueeeee!!!

[FONT=Verdana](((26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake. )))[/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana][/FONT]

[Fired Yo Momma]

I had a situation once where I was waiting around for this lady in her big SUV to move. I was so frustrated that I actually parked my truck got out walked across the parking lot did my buisness on the ATM walked back, got in the truck drove off and the lady was still on her cell phone on the ATM. You guys know what ATM really means right when your with the chicks, right? I can't say because too many politcally correct peeps may get upset at me and ban me for life.

[Permagrin]

I know men who take longer than me at the atm, in the shower (no comment!), primp (or pimp) to go out, own more shoes, etc and yes, they're heterosexual and they scare me .

[Fired Yo Momma]

Originally Posted by Permagrin

I know men who take longer than me at the atm, in the shower (no comment!), primp (or pimp) to go out, own more shoes, etc and yes, they're heterosexual and they scare me .

I do take long showers and take time getting ready.

[DeeZee]

Originally Posted by Fired Yo Momma

I had a situation once where I was waiting around for this lady in her big SUV to move. I was so frustrated that I actually parked my truck got out walked across the parking lot did my buisness on the ATM walked back, got in the truck drove off and the lady was still on her cell phone on the ATM. You guys know what ATM really means right when your with the chicks, right? I can't say because too many politcally correct peeps may get upset at me and ban me for life.

if you add up all of your "paid dates" it would be cheaper than a wife

Originally Posted by Permagrin

I know men who take longer than me at the atm, in the shower (no comment!), primp (or pimp) to go out, own more shoes, etc and yes, they're heterosexual and they scare me .

metro-sexual and they scare me

[Fired Yo Momma]

Originally Posted by DeeZee

if you add up all of your "paid dates" it would be cheaper than a wife

Very true, but when I do have the "paid dates" I don't take as long to get ready .

[DeeZee]

Originally Posted by Fired Yo Momma

Very true, but when I do have the "paid dates" I don't take as long to get ready .

what you mean


[SIZE=1]but it is funny[/SIZE]

[guero]

Originally Posted by Permagrin

I know men who take longer than me at the atm, in the shower (no comment!)

i bet if these guys g/f's or wives took better 'care' of them, the longer showers wouldnt be necessary.

[Ladd Jasper]

Originally Posted by Fired Yo Momma

I do take long showers and take time getting ready.

Hey Dave, are you aware that 20% of American men masturbate in the shower, and the other 80% sing?

You know what they sing?

















Yeah, figured you wouldn't know .