New Office/work Policy

[ShinKen]

[FONT=Verdana][FONT=Verdana][/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]Dress Code:[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary. [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we'll assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.[/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana]Sick Days:[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.[/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana]Personal Days:[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]Lunch Break:[/FONT][/FONT][FONT=Verdana]
[SIZE=1][FONT=Verdana]Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. [/FONT][/SIZE]
[SIZE=1][FONT=Verdana]Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. [/FONT][/SIZE]
[SIZE=1][FONT=Verdana]Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.[/FONT][/SIZE]

[SIZE=1][FONT=Verdana]Bathroom Breaks:[/FONT][/SIZE]
[SIZE=1][FONT=Verdana]Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. [/FONT][/SIZE]
[SIZE=1][FONT=Verdana]At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.[/FONT][/SIZE]
[SIZE=1][FONT=Verdana]After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category. [/FONT][/SIZE]
[SIZE=1][FONT=Verdana]Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.[/FONT][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Verdana]

[SIZE=1][FONT=Verdana]Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. [/FONT][/SIZE]
[SIZE=1][FONT=Verdana]Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, [/FONT][/SIZE]
[SIZE=1][FONT=Verdana]allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.[/FONT][/SIZE]

[SIZE=1][FONT=Verdana]The Management[/FONT][/SIZE]

[SIZE=1][FONT=Verdana]Pass this on to all who are employed![/FONT][/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana][SIZE=1][FONT=Verdana]just wanted to share the fun!! its my Friday today but its freaking going so slow and long alrdy!!![/FONT][/SIZE][/FONT]

[J_Sims]

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. Anti-constitutionalistically
3. Passive-aggressive disorder
4. Transubstantiate

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
2. Nope, no more booze for me!
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Taco Bell? No thanks, I'm not hungry.
5. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
6. Oh, I couldn't! No one wants to hear me sing karaoke.
7. I'm not interested in fighting you.
8. Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no
coordination. I'd hate to look like a fool!
&n bsp;9. Where is the nearest bathroom? I refuse to pee in this
parking lot or on the side of the road.
10. I must be going home now, as I have to work in the morning.

[Fired Yo Momma]

I have seen this before, its always funny!