STR | SocalTrailRiders.org

OMR · 03-29-2007, 09:37 PM

[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]These are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm and quiet while these exchanges were actually taking place.[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : When is your birthday?[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]WITNESS : July 18th.[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : What year?[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]WITNESS : Every year.[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]____________________________________[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]WITNESS : Gucci sweats and Reeboks.[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]_____________________________________[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]WITNESS : Yes.[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : And in what ways does it affect your memory?[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]WITNESS : I forget.[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]___________________________________[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : How old is your son, the one living with you?[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]WITNESS : Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : How long has he lived with you?[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]WITNESS : Forty-five years.[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]_____________________________________[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : Are you sexually active?[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]WITNESS : No, I just lie there.[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]_____________________________________________[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]WITNESS : He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : And why did that upset you?[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]WITNESS : My name is Susan.[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]______________________________________[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]WITNESS : We both do.[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : Voodoo?[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]WITNESS : We do.[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : You do?[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]WITNESS : Yes, voodoo.[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]______________________________________[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]WITNESS : Did you actually pass the bar exam?[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]___________________________________[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : The youngest son, the twenty-one year-old, how old is he?[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]WITNESS : Uh, he's twenty-one.[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]________________________________________[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : Were you present when your picture was taken?[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]WITNESS : Would you repeat the question?[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]______________________________________[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : So the date of conception of the baby was August 8th?[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]WITNESS : Yes.[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : And what were you doing at that time?[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]WITNESS : Uh....[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]_____________________________________[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : She had three children, right?[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]WITNESS : Yes.[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : How many were boys?[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]WITNESS : None.[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : Were there any girls?[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]______________________________________[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : How was your first marriage terminated?[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]WITNESS : By death.[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : And by whose death was it terminated?[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]______________________________________[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : Can you describe the individual?[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]WITNESS : He was about medium height and had a beard.[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : Was this a male or a female?[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]______________________________________[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]WITNESS : No, this is how I dress when I go to work.[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]______________________________________[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]WITNESS : All my autopsies are performed on dead people.[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]______________________________________[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]WITNESS : Oral.[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]______________________________________[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : Do you recall the time that you examined the body?[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]WITNESS : The autopsy started around 8:30 pm.[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]WITNESS : No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him![/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]______________________________________[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : Are you qualified to give a urine sample?[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]WITNESS : Huh?[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]______________________________________[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]As for the last!!![/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]WITNESS : No.[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : Did you check for blood pressure?[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]WITNESS : No.[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : Did you check for breathing?[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]WITNESS : No.[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]WITNESS : No.[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : How can you be so sure, Doctor?[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]WITNESS : Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]WITNESS : Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4][/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]OMR[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT]

b-rad! · 03-29-2007, 10:00 PM

[FONT=Verdana][SIZE=2]That last one is great! "[/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Verdana][SIZE=2]Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law."[/SIZE][/FONT]

26'er Zen Master · 03-29-2007, 10:43 PM

good stuff! My dads a lawyer I should send this to him

ShinKen · 03-30-2007, 07:43 AM

ohh man I really needed that!! thanks much!!

~ Pakiha ~ · 03-30-2007, 10:02 AM

[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]WITNESS : We both do.[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : Voodoo?[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]WITNESS : We do.[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : You do?[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]WITNESS : Yes, voodoo.[/SIZE][/FONT]

Is it Just me or does this get a PRODIGY song playing in your mind??

Pain Freak · 03-30-2007, 05:36 PM

Freekin, got me in tears here. Thanks again!

xhuskr · 03-30-2007, 07:38 PM

thnx

....nice way to start..continue the weekend after a few beers!!

bobzrag · 03-31-2007, 07:51 AM

[FONT=Arial](Excerpts from Classified sections of newspapers...[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial]Illiterate? Write today for free help.[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial]Auto Repair service. Free pick up and delivery. Try us once, You'll never go anywhere again.[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial]Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced Yard, meals, and smacks included.[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial]Dog for sale: Eats anything and is fond of children.[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial]Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial]Stock up and save. Limit: One.[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial]Mixing bowl set designed to please women with round bottom for efficient beating.[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial]For Sale: Antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial]Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial]We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial]Great Dames for sale.[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial]Tired of cleaning yourself. Let me do it.[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial]Vacation Special: Have your home exterminated.[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial]Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first.[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial]Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial]Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.[/FONT]

03-29-2007, 10:43 PM	#3 (permalink)
26'er Zen Master Shit for brains	good stuff! My dads a lawyer I should send this to him __________________ www.adrenalinebikes.com DEUCE 6'ER LOCO'S FOR LIFE 2 26" wheels 1 dark lord 2 in the pink 1 in the stink

03-30-2007, 07:43 AM	#4 (permalink)
ShinKen STR BUB!!	ohh man I really needed that!! thanks much!! __________________ Perhaps you think you're being treated unfairly?

03-30-2007, 10:02 AM	#5 (permalink)
~ Pakiha ~ Lethal when nessesary	[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]WITNESS : We both do.[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : Voodoo?[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]WITNESS : We do.[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : You do?[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]WITNESS : Yes, voodoo.[/SIZE][/FONT] Is it Just me or does this get a PRODIGY song playing in your mind?? __________________ "It is easier to find men who will volunteer to die, than to find those who will endure pain with patience" - J. Caesar I am leaving the world the Same way I got here, By Accident.

03-30-2007, 05:36 PM	#6 (permalink)
Pain Freak Directionally Challenged	Freekin, got me in tears here. Thanks again! __________________ "The best rides are the ones where you bite off much more than you can chew—and live through it." — Doug Bradbury "When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me." — Emo Philips

03-30-2007, 07:38 PM	#7 (permalink)
xhuskr Powered by Guinness	thnx....nice way to start..continue the weekend after a few beers!! __________________ Slainte' sdyeti I am a student. The trail is my teacher. genusmtbkr5 Sign up for the pain, you'll love it. www.biketofinishms.com/teacmcrash

03-29-2007, 09:37 PM	#1 (permalink)
OMR	We all need a little humor on Fridays... [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]These are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm and quiet while these exchanges were actually taking place.[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : When is your birthday?[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]WITNESS : July 18th.[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : What year?[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]WITNESS : Every year.[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]____________________________________[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]WITNESS : Gucci sweats and Reeboks.[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]_____________________________________[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]WITNESS : Yes.[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : And in what ways does it affect your memory?[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]WITNESS : I forget.[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]___________________________________[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : How old is your son, the one living with you?[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]WITNESS : Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : How long has he lived with you?[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]WITNESS : Forty-five years.[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]_____________________________________[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : Are you sexually active?[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]WITNESS : No, I just lie there.[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]_____________________________________________[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]WITNESS : He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : And why did that upset you?[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]WITNESS : My name is Susan.[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]______________________________________[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]WITNESS : We both do.[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : Voodoo?[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]WITNESS : We do.[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : You do?[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]WITNESS : Yes, voodoo.[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]______________________________________[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]WITNESS : Did you actually pass the bar exam?[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]___________________________________[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : The youngest son, the twenty-one year-old, how old is he?[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]WITNESS : Uh, he's twenty-one.[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]________________________________________[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : Were you present when your picture was taken?[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]WITNESS : Would you repeat the question?[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]______________________________________[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : So the date of conception of the baby was August 8th?[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]WITNESS : Yes.[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : And what were you doing at that time?[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]WITNESS : Uh....[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]_____________________________________[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : She had three children, right?[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]WITNESS : Yes.[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : How many were boys?[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]WITNESS : None.[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : Were there any girls?[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]______________________________________[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : How was your first marriage terminated?[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]WITNESS : By death.[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : And by whose death was it terminated?[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]______________________________________[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : Can you describe the individual?[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]WITNESS : He was about medium height and had a beard.[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : Was this a male or a female?[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]______________________________________[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]WITNESS : No, this is how I dress when I go to work.[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]______________________________________[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]WITNESS : All my autopsies are performed on dead people.[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]______________________________________[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]WITNESS : Oral.[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]______________________________________[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : Do you recall the time that you examined the body?[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]WITNESS : The autopsy started around 8:30 pm.[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]WITNESS : No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him![/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]______________________________________[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : Are you qualified to give a urine sample?[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]WITNESS : Huh?[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]______________________________________[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]As for the last!!![/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]WITNESS : No.[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : Did you check for blood pressure?[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]WITNESS : No.[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : Did you check for breathing?[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]WITNESS : No.[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]WITNESS : No.[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : How can you be so sure, Doctor?[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]WITNESS : Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]ATTORNEY : But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]WITNESS : Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]OMR[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] __________________ OMR .... An elder grasshopper of the Tribe

03-29-2007, 10:00 PM	#2 (permalink)
b-rad! Ski Bum	[FONT=Verdana][SIZE=2]That last one is great! "[/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Verdana][SIZE=2]Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law."[/SIZE][/FONT]

03-31-2007, 07:51 AM	#8 (permalink)
bobzrag bonedaddy	[FONT=Arial](Excerpts from Classified sections of newspapers...[/FONT] [FONT=Arial]Illiterate? Write today for free help.[/FONT] [FONT=Arial]Auto Repair service. Free pick up and delivery. Try us once, You'll never go anywhere again.[/FONT] [FONT=Arial]Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced Yard, meals, and smacks included.[/FONT] [FONT=Arial]Dog for sale: Eats anything and is fond of children.[/FONT] [FONT=Arial]Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.[/FONT] [FONT=Arial]Stock up and save. Limit: One.[/FONT] [FONT=Arial]Mixing bowl set designed to please women with round bottom for efficient beating.[/FONT] [FONT=Arial]For Sale: Antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.[/FONT] [FONT=Arial]Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.[/FONT] [FONT=Arial]We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.[/FONT] [FONT=Arial]Great Dames for sale.[/FONT] [FONT=Arial]Tired of cleaning yourself. Let me do it.[/FONT] [FONT=Arial]Vacation Special: Have your home exterminated.[/FONT] [FONT=Arial]Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first.[/FONT] [FONT=Arial]Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.[/FONT] [FONT=Arial]Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.[/FONT]

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