Alcohol

[Pain Freak]

My cuz sent me this:

[FONT=Verdana][SIZE=4][FONT=Verdana]DEAR ALCOHOL, [/FONT][/SIZE][/FONT]

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[FONT=Verdana][SIZE=4][FONT=Verdana]First & foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours. As my friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-work cocktail, a beer at the game, and you're even around at the holidays, hidden inside chocolates, as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings. However, lately I've been wondering about your intentions. While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences: [/FONT][/SIZE][/FONT]

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[FONT=Verdana][SIZE=4][FONT=Verdana]1. [FONT=Verdana][FONT=Verdana]Phone calls[/FONT][/FONT]: While I agree with you that communication is important, I question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or necessity takes place after 2 a.m. Why would you make me call those ex-boyfriends/girlfriends when I know for a fact they do not want to hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night? [/FONT][/SIZE][/FONT]

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[FONT=Verdana][SIZE=4][FONT=Verdana]2.[FONT=Verdana][FONT=Verdana] Eating[/FONT][/FONT]: Now, you know I love a good meal, but why do you suggest that I eat a taco with chili sauce, along with a big Italian meatball and some stale chips (washed down with WINE & topped off with a Kit Kat after a few cheese curls & chili cheese fries)? I'm an eclectic eater, but I think you went too far this time. [/FONT][/SIZE][/FONT]

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[FONT=Verdana][SIZE=4][FONT=Verdana]3. [FONT=Verdana][FONT=Verdana]Clumsiness[/FONT][/FONT]: Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer the issue home by causing me to fall down. It's completely unnecessary, and the black & blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are beyond me
Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock. [/FONT][/SIZE][/FONT]

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[FONT=Verdana][SIZE=4][FONT=Verdana]4.[FONT=Verdana][FONT=Verdana] Furthermore[/FONT][/FONT]: The hangovers have GOT to stop. This is getting ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evening's debauchery may be in order, but the 3pm hangover immobility is completely unacceptable. My entire day is shot. I ask that, if the proper precautions are taken (water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin) prior to going to sleep/passing out face down on
the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn, the hangover should be minimal & in no way interfere with my daily activities. [/FONT][/SIZE][/FONT]

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[FONT=Verdana][SIZE=4][FONT=Verdana]Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now & would like to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets. [/FONT][/SIZE][/FONT]

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[FONT=Verdana][SIZE=4][FONT=Verdana]In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above & address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later than Thursday 3pm (pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions & hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership. [/FONT][/SIZE][/FONT]

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[FONT=Verdana][SIZE=4][FONT=Verdana]Thank you,
Your biggest fan [/FONT][/SIZE][/FONT]

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[UseItOrLooseIt]

Alcohol?! *click*

[Mudd]

Alcohol and riding don't mix!

However.......Alcohol and post-rides mix well!

[mytrustysteed]

mmmmmmm...beeeeeeer!

[CalEpic]

Dear Pain Freak. You make it sound like I'm the bad guy. After all, who is it that helped you score all those "godesses". Do you think it was easy to create those beer goggles?

Who do you think it was that helped you be the big man and question the sexuality of that 6' 4" lineman?

What would you have to talk about at high school reunions if it wasn't for me? Certainly not that awkward situation in the gym shower.

Sure, it's easy to blame me for all your problems. I'm a convenient excuse. "Sorry about that, I was drunk" that bastard Craig has worn that out.

In the future, please refrain from using my name in vain when my buddy Chronic is such a convenient target.

Your friend,

Alcohol.

[Pain Freak]

awkward situation in the gym shower.

I thought we agreed that was never to be spoken of again???

[PHAT TIRE]

lol that's so funny

[dirttorpeedo]

mr pain freak,the jims shower?remember your friend al. is a liar too.....never lied to me tho.hahahaha.....the shower.