VENTING: I hate Christmas Cards

[PHAT TIRE]

I am venting. My wife loves Christmas cards. I find them a waste of time. Here's my advice to any young man when this topic comes up for the first time...

[FONT=Helv][SIZE=2]My advice...Just make sure that she that she knows that you can't write during the holidays due to a childhood Santa nightmare, you dislike Christmas cards since Santa's elves chase you with them and there's not very many people that you want to send them to as a couple. A couple of sketchy small neck seizures during the discussion will help cement these scared feelings/dreams. [/SIZE][/FONT]

[SIZE=2][FONT=Helv]The more you limit this pain, the more you will thank me some day. If you do it now, it gets worse...HERE'S MY TOP FAVORITE WORDS TO HEAR NOW :[/FONT][/SIZE]

[SIZE=2][FONT=Helv](NOTICE: DO NOT WRITE ME OR TELL ME TO GET A PAIR...MY WIFE IS ON BEDREST FOR HER PREGNANCY, I WOULD NEVER, EVER RUN THESE TYPE OF GIRLY ERRANDS NORMALLY) THIS IS A JOKE...LAUGH AND HAVE FUN...[/FONT][/SIZE]

[SIZE=2][FONT=Helv]"oh honey, can we go get cards together better yet can you pick up the cards?" ....later..."those are the worng f@#$in cards!"[/FONT][/SIZE]

[SIZE=2][FONT=Helv]"oh let's dress up and get our picture taken to send to people"[/FONT][/SIZE]

[SIZE=2][FONT=Helv]"will you lick my cards for us" (this diverts you from your favorite past times: watching football, biking, licking her... but often creates a craving for beer to kill the taste)[/FONT][/SIZE]

[SIZE=2][FONT=Helv]"will you track down everyone you had last year and bug them for their address?" [/FONT][/SIZE]

[SIZE=2][FONT=Helv]"when are you going to sign these?"[/FONT][/SIZE]

[SIZE=2][FONT=Helv]"can you set up the print to print this very pretty paper in our (F$%ed-up) laser printer?"[/FONT][/SIZE]

[SIZE=2][FONT=Helv]"we need matching pretty labels to go with the pretty paper, will you go get some more"...BACK to the above saying about the printer[/FONT][/SIZE]

[SIZE=2][FONT=Helv]"please get the cute christmas stamps"...these are often all gone at your local post office[/FONT][/SIZE]

[SIZE=2][FONT=Helv]GOOD LUCK, MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!![/FONT][/SIZE]

[SIZE=2][FONT=Helv]disclaimers...

• Advice can be modified to any let's do something cute together, like have a wedding, but author does not guarantee results.
• Divorce following Christmas is possible if you do not participate on some level.
• You will make someone mad that didn't make your list by limiting your personal list if they hear that you didn't send them one but another friend got one. They will never send you a card again...some think this is a good result until your friends spouse will no longer let you go out for play dates, AKA biking, boozing, bar crawling or any fun male thing starting with B...BBQing, basketball, boxing, bra tossing, boob toob watching, bowling (note this is another married man's version of boozing with buddies).
• This almost was added to the lady's forum but then deemed inappropriate content by the writer
• My wife is the best person I now and this was never designed to upset anyone, especially her
• I have balls

[/FONT][/SIZE]

[Keith B]

Hi Matt, I hear what you're saying but as someone who came from overseas I like them. It allows me to keep in touch with everyone with a personal message. OK its no fun writing them all out (I have to send alot) but its good to catch up with peoples goings on that you only see them every so often. Just my $0.02.
Where were you for the San Juan jaunt?!

[PHAT TIRE]

Originally Posted by Keith B

Hi Matt, I hear what you're saying but as someone who came from overseas I like them. It allows me to keep in touch with everyone with a personal message. OK its no fun writing them all out (I have to send alot) but its good to catch up with peoples goings on that you only see them every so often. Just my $0.02.
Where were you for the San Juan jaunt?!

Just having a little ebeneezer scrooge fun. I had mechnical cassette problems that I worked on over saturday. Sorry I missed it. SJ is not my favorite...crazy I know. I hate switch backs even though I am getting better at them. That's is definitely a good trail to practice them on!

[Shannon]

Just tell your wife you admire and appreciate her writing skills. Have her write the cards and you'll sign them...

[LBmtb]

Originally Posted by PHAT TIRE

I hate switch backs even though I am getting better at them. That's is definitely a good trail to practice them on!

Same here, bubb.

[PHAT TIRE]

Originally Posted by B.O.B

Just tell your wife you admire and appreciate her writing skills. Have her write the cards and you'll sign them...

I never write in them. Just sign them. This is all a on going joke with a buddy and I.

ps. Don't chug the egg nog. It's worse coming up.

[dirttorpeedo]

HEY phat,will you put up my x-mas lites phor me? how bout when you gotta hold her purse?hunh? how bout that one? hahahahahahahaha!!! nice rite up,x-mas lites was my kriponite,i hate that mess.good luck.

[gurp13]

I'm putting up our lights this weekend. I actually sorta enjoy it. But, no, I won't put yours up. 'Less you wanna pay me $100 an hour.

[Schecky]

Originally Posted by dirttorpeedo

HEY phat,... how bout when you gotta hold her purse?hunh? how bout that one? hahahahahahahaha!!! .....

When asked to hold a purse, the solution is simple.
Place it on the ground and step on the handle. Nice and secure.
Once she comes back you'll not be asked again.....

[Pain Freak]

Matt, I lost your address.... Can you post it here for me?

[PHAT TIRE]

Originally Posted by dirttorpeedo

HEY phat,will you put up my x-mas lites phor me? how bout when you gotta hold her purse?hunh? how bout that one? hahahahahahahaha!!! nice rite up,x-mas lites was my kriponite,i hate that mess.good luck.

It'll have to be a Griswald Christmas!

Originally Posted by Pain Freak

Matt, I lost your address.... Can you post it here for me?

home or email?

[Pain Freak]

Originally Posted by PHAT TIRE

It'll have to be a Griswald Christmas!



home or email?

Which ever one you want your Christmas card sent to?

[roadkillross]

is it ok if i send you the ones i dont want?

[PHAT TIRE]

Just forward and I will reply. NOT