Need some advice or opinions on this....

[Stray_Bullit]

So, here is a situation that I would like some feedback on.

Last weekend, the wife and I went to Palm Springs. Two days and two nights away from the kids! This happens once a year so we really try to live it up. The first night was really mellow, dinner out and then watched the Olympics till we couldn't stand it anymore.

Saturday evening, we eventually ended up at a club. My wife is/was a competitive salsa dancer. I have to say that right off the bat; She can move. Usually, when she starts dancing, everyone around her stops and watches her. She has spend over 25 years dancing, so to sum it up, she isn't out there dancing like a stripper or a hoe.

We are at this club, dancing and having a good time and I get tired. So she is dancing with a few (girl) friends that were there. So then, this "Rico Suave" type of guy starts dancing with her. That's OK, I understand that. It happens a lot. However, the guy starts doing some rather suggestive (I am putting this mildly) moves on her. She makes eye contact with me and I shake my head. As if I was saying "that's not cool, make it stop." She made eye contact with me two more times and I did the same thing.

Rico continued doing his (increasingly suggestive sexual) moves and I finally walked out there and told my wife "This is unacceptable, this needs to stop."

She comes off the floor annoyed. I explain to her that I am not happy with that and she explains to me that she wasn't DOING anything, HE was doing it. Needless to say I was very annoyed and this became a big fight.

Look, I am not a jealous guy at all. I just really don't like to see some random guy dry hump my wife. I didn't even look at the guy because it most likely would have started a fight. I can't do that nowadays. Before marriage and kids, I would thrown some blows, I can't and won't behave like that now. It just isn't worth it.

She kept insisting that she wasn't doing anything, he was doing all the moves. So I told her that it is almost like me going to a strip club and getting a lap dance or two or three or four. I am not doing anything, the dancer is! How would she like that?

Obviously she doesn't agree on the situations being the same. To me it makes perfect sense.

Ever been in this situation before? Thoughts?

[schleppp]

You are so right. Absolutely unacceptable. She is married to you and if it is beyond your tolerance level she should stop. Stick by your guns. You are more accepting than most, I am not sure I would be so accepting of my wife dancing with anyone else, outside of competition. Also props to you for being a Man and not escalating the issue with Rico.

[bighit8]

I would have been mad! But I have to assume you trust your wife is faithful and just let it be.Thats the most I can say without knowing anything but what you posted.At the same time,if she knew you were not happy it should triggered a red flag.

[BFloFoxRider.]

Call an ex girlfriend form high school to meet you next time you and your wife go out to a club or to eat at a dancing place, and tell her to get frisky on you, but ignore it, and see how your wife reacts.
An Eye for an Eye?

[Rockinthecasbah]

punch him in the face, come on be a man,,

seriously though if she came back and told me she was pissed about it, he would have hit the floor

[DownHillPhil]

Mars you were right on. Doesn't matter how much fun you're having, if your spouse disagrees you stop.

[stinkyrider]

Yeah, she's dancing with other guys but at the end of the night she's still going home with you, right?

Let Rico Suave get all hot on bothered only to be turned down in the end. You and your wife get to walk out of the club together while laughing the whole way to your hotel room where you will inevitably tear each other's clothes off. Meanwhile, Mr. Suave is left with big blue testicles.

Better yet, let Rico buy her a drink only for her to bring it directly to you. Then you smile politely and thank Rico Suave for buying you the drink.

I'm not married so I cannot fully comprehend being in the same situation. This is just my two cents.

How about them mountain bikes, eh?

[davidB]

Originally Posted by stinkyrider

Yeah, she's dancing with other guys but at the end of the night she's still going home with you, right?

Let Rico Suave get all hot on bothered only to be turned down in the end. You and your wife get to walk out of the club together while laughing the whole way to your hotel room where you will inevitably tear each other's clothes off. Meanwhile, Mr. Suave is left with big blue testicles.

Better yet, let Rico buy her a drink only for her to bring it directly to you. Then you smile politely and thank Rico Suave for buying you the drink.

I'm not married so I cannot fully comprehend being in the same situation. This is just my two cents.

How about them mountain bikes, eh?

i have never agreed with a post more than this one. word for word.

[Stray_Bullit]

Like I said, I am not the jealous type usually. I've seen her dance with guys before a lot. Usually it's not a big deal. I can blow it off and just be like, whatever. It was the (overtly) sexual nature of it that annoyed me. Also because I let her know three times that I wasn't comfortable with the situation.

I am looking forward to hearing a woman's point of view on this too. I appreciate the responses, guys. It's nice to "get it off of my chest." I guess?!?!

[Rockinthecasbah]

Women ..What do you do , you cant live with them, cant have sex with out them, at least not the natural kind.

I wouldnt be mad at her, if she was dancing and into it its not her fault the guy was a freak, I would have prob said something to him though, you have to pick your battles, if you thinks its worth some BS then worry about it, If you are secure and happy with your relationship F it and go ride a bike

[jamisjake]

Maaaan, I would be pretty upset! You gave her the eye three times and she should have stopped it immediately! You did very well though, with being smart enough to not escalate the situation. I dont know if I could resist walking over and stuffing my size 14 straight up his a$$!
But my friend, women are different, and they dont look at stuff like we do. She is/was a competition dancer, and was probably thinking "dance moves = no big deal".

[CPATCRASH]

I would think if she were truly uncomfortable with the situation she would have pushed him off and stopped him.

[bikeadict]

maybe one thing to consider is that your wife being a professional / competative salsa dancer has seperated the sexual side of dancing from just the fun aspect of it.

Really you should just talk with her and let her know your feelings on the matter. Or if you want to avoid the conversation, next time she's dancing with a guy and you don't approve just bust a beer bottle over his head and I think that should make it crystal clear.

[CalEpic]

Was there alcohol involved?

If I can remember, I always try to have the argument the next day when I've been drinking.

You are the ones that need to decide what is acceptable and what isn't. That is no one elses call. Ultimately if one of you is uncomfortable with a situation it's a problem.

[Blue Rat]

Is your wife a mind reader? I ask this because maybe she didn't understand the super secret look/head shake you gave her. Maybe she just thought you were acknowledging what an inappropriate dork Rico was acting like. Is it possible that her looks to you were for you to come save her from this guy without dragging her off the dance floor like a child and embarrassing her in front of the entire club? I am terrible at marriage, I've had two failed ones ... but what I can say is that CLEAR communication is paramount to a successful relationship. What's going on in your head just might not be apparent to the ones you love.

On a side note, what's the sense of doing all this bike riding if you're too tired to dance with your beautiful wife? It seems that dancing is a passion of hers and it should be your job to satisfy that passion until she's too tired to dance. Look at it like cross training with the benefit of making your wife happy.

[kevinator]

Similar situation. At a party with wife's friends 2 years ago and as I'm talking to the hosts' wife I look over and see three greaseballs literally in her face and definitely in her personal space - and she's not exactly fighting them off. This was after an earlier encounter that evening with a past "friend" (some flaming ghey roommate from way back, I'm told) who greets her with a really affectionate kiss to which she caresses his face, all while I'm standing right in front of them. WTF?!
I was steamed after the first episode but kept my cool, but after the second one I walked past her and asked if she was enjoying herself in the shittiest tone I could then left. About 10 minutes later she appears and CANNOT figure out why I'm sooooo pissed. And I can't believe I have to literally spell it out to her. This was before we were married so I laid it out - "you pull that shit again and I'm leaving you wherever you are, so now you know."

Problem solved.

[Simko]

Secretly take Salsa lessons and when the oppurtunity arises blow her away with your own Rico Suave moves.........

My wife is hot and gets hit on when we go out. It kills me to think that she may be interested in someone elses attention but it makes her feel young and sexy and she always goes home with me. I try to let it roll off my shoulders. I would be mad if I was in your situation, its to bad sh!t like that happens when you finally get a chance to get away.

[Code Blue]