Need some advice or opinions on this....

[Shannon]

You have to think about the events that led up to your wife being groped. There's obviously a gray area because she has danced with other men in the past, in front of you and as you said you didn't have a problem with it. Perhaps you two need to have a clearly drawn line as to whats acceptable and what's not.

Regardless of the fact that she's been a salsa dancer for 25 years and maybe some of the dance moves are racy she still has to put you first as far as curbing whatever behavior makes you uncomfortable. And after three times of communicating to her that you weren't happy with what was going on and she still continued... sorry, I call that being self-centered and totally insensitive to her husband.

[SheDevil]

I'd personally find it uncool (there's dancing and there's being single and sleezy...that you need to figure out)....however I probably would have let her catch a cab home. It's not worth arguing over where somebody wants to be...and if thats it....then she made her choice (bad one). If it was part of this dance...well, I dunno....I kinda think it's unnecessary either way.

[Albacore]

"But honey, I wasn't doing anything, she was blowing me."

[Revalimage]

I feel that was unacceptable - and would not accept from my spouse. There are so many people out there who think nothing of a marriage/partnership commitment - it is the most fun to get down and dirty with the one you love. (I'm a woman, she KNEW exactly what she was doing. Unfortunately I'm the one married to the hunky guy, and I fend off the women - he is clueless.)

I get the dancing part - my husband's response 'I'll buy you a beer if you dance with my wife' because he doesn't dance (and shouldn't), but my love and respect for him is made known to everyone and anyone that would think to cross that line.

You guys need to get re-connected and hopefully she will be convicted and honor your love and feelings for her. She needs to get her 'ego-boost' from you, or ask for help in dealing with her own insecurities.

Best to you both....

[Mondo]

So let me get this straight -

1. Sexually suggestive dancing with a stranger in your face
2. Three obvious attempts at showing your discomfort
3. She ignores you
4. You go to her and she storms off annoyed
5. You confront her and she gets defensive

Hmmm.....is this the mutual respect that marriage would suggest/imply/demand?

Hypothetical; If he kissed her and had she not immediately moved, would that have been "him doing all the kissing" and her just standing there?

Whatever -

She knew what she was doing (after all; she's a pro dancer with 25 years under her belt) - and she choose to rub it in your face.

Sorry for the more aggressive response, but this is not acceptable and her a$$ would be asking Rico for cab fare - whilest dodging "Stray Bullits."

[ODB]

I wasn't grinding her that hard. You should see me on Lambada night at the club.

-Rico

[mtnkitty]

I think you are completely justified in being upset. You don't seem to mind her dancing with another guy, but overtly sexual moves towards her should have been both uncomfortable for you AND her. And the fact that you gestured to her that it wasn't alright with you should've been good enough for her to stop. If she didn't get it the first time, by the third time she should've.

Someone mentioned that she isn't a mind reader.. But after several years of marriage and kids together, you two should know each other well enough to know what's okay and what's not. Even after several months of dating, sending your significant other a very obvious stare and a shake of the head is pretty self-explanatory.

Also, in any situation like that, I would always consider how I would feel if I saw my significant other engaging in activity like that, regardless of whose "fault" it is. There are many situations in which it might not be "their fault," but they still partook and let it happen. Just like some other people mentioned - if someone kissed you and it was "their fault," wouldn't your wife be justified in getting upset?

[6packguywith5spot]

Rico would have gone as far as she would have allowed him to go. She didn't say much, so Rico continued.

She should have stopped on the first head shake of yours and that would have been the end of it.

But if it continued although you disagreed, then it is something that alot of men wouldn't tolerate.

In my case, I simply wouldn't allow or want my wife to dance with a total stranger in a club.

But again, we are all different. In my case if you want to know, if I was in that situation, I would have walked straight to the guy and knock the shit out of him, as he should have seen her with someone ( YOU ) not knowing husband or BF, but he kept on going.

He deserved a good ass whooping right there, and you didn't give it to him.

Ali

Originally Posted by Stray_Bullit

So, here is a situation that I would like some feedback on.

Last weekend, the wife and I went to Palm Springs. Two days and two nights away from the kids! This happens once a year so we really try to live it up. The first night was really mellow, dinner out and then watched the Olympics till we couldn't stand it anymore.

Saturday evening, we eventually ended up at a club. My wife is/was a competitive salsa dancer. I have to say that right off the bat; She can move. Usually, when she starts dancing, everyone around her stops and watches her. She has spend over 25 years dancing, so to sum it up, she isn't out there dancing like a stripper or a hoe.

We are at this club, dancing and having a good time and I get tired. So she is dancing with a few (girl) friends that were there. So then, this "Rico Suave" type of guy starts dancing with her. That's OK, I understand that. It happens a lot. However, the guy starts doing some rather suggestive (I am putting this mildly) moves on her. She makes eye contact with me and I shake my head. As if I was saying "that's not cool, make it stop." She made eye contact with me two more times and I did the same thing.

Rico continued doing his (increasingly suggestive sexual) moves and I finally walked out there and told my wife "This is unacceptable, this needs to stop."

She comes off the floor annoyed. I explain to her that I am not happy with that and she explains to me that she wasn't DOING anything, HE was doing it. Needless to say I was very annoyed and this became a big fight.

Look, I am not a jealous guy at all. I just really don't like to see some random guy dry hump my wife. I didn't even look at the guy because it most likely would have started a fight. I can't do that nowadays. Before marriage and kids, I would thrown some blows, I can't and won't behave like that now. It just isn't worth it.

She kept insisting that she wasn't doing anything, he was doing all the moves. So I told her that it is almost like me going to a strip club and getting a lap dance or two or three or four. I am not doing anything, the dancer is! How would she like that?

Obviously she doesn't agree on the situations being the same. To me it makes perfect sense.

Ever been in this situation before? Thoughts?

[dirtvert]

i would have dry-humped the dude, but i think you did the right thing.

"He said that's my woman, I said that's no lie. I blew a hole in him as big as the sky." Beat Farmers

[mntbiker12]

As a standing rule, Rico Suave types should be knocked the F out just because.

[Cowgirl]

Even though there was nothing going on and it was right in front of your face she needs to respect you when you give her the "nod"....I am sure you wouldn't have had any problem with her dancing with him if it hadn't gone the direction it did...she needs to accept the way it makes you feel...she may not like that you feel that way but she has to accept it...that is part of being in a partnership for life. Just ask her to respect your wishs and that in the future to make sure it doesn't get too "riskeeeee" in front of you or you will do the same in the future. Then move on and get past it.

[poy]

Originally Posted by Cowgirl

Even though there was nothing going on and it was right in front of your face she needs to respect you when you give her the "nod"....I am sure you wouldn't have had any problem with her dancing with him if it hadn't gone the direction it did...she needs to accept the way it makes you feel...she may not like that you feel that way but she has to accept it...that is part of being in a partnership for life. Just ask her to respect your wishs and that in the future to make sure it doesn't get too "riskeeeee" in front of you or you will do the same in the future. Then move on and get past it.

i totally agree! she might not think its anything but if it affected you, and you made it known that you dont agree and you feel strongly about that then she should respect that...

this is from one married guy to another!

[Pablomatic]

Wifey should know where to draw the line. If you were the dancer and you were out there cuttin' it up and some hot chica joined you and started rubbing her stuff on you more and more, I'm sure wifey would'nt dig it too much. Where would it have gone if you were'nt there? Dont let it get to you too much. I would just let her know, firmly, where you think the line should be drawn and hopefully she understands.

Originally Posted by BFloFoxRider.

Call an ex girlfriend form high school to meet you next time you and your wife go out to a club or to eat at a dancing place, and tell her to get frisky on you, but ignore it, and see how your wife reacts.
An Eye for an Eye?

Jealous games dont work....just makes things worse.
A bottle over the head, though.....

[Chewyeti]

Originally Posted by Mondo

So let me get this straight -

1. Sexually suggestive dancing with a stranger in your face
2. Three obvious attempts at showing your discomfort
3. She ignores you
4. You go to her and she storms off annoyed
5. You confront her and she gets defensive

Hmmm.....is this the mutual respect that marriage would suggest/imply/demand?

Hypothetical; If he kissed her and had she not immediately moved, would that have been "him doing all the kissing" and her just standing there?

Whatever -

She knew what she was doing (after all; she's a pro dancer with 25 years under her belt) - and she choose to rub it in your face.

Sorry for the more aggressive response, but this is not acceptable and her a$$ would be asking Rico for cab fare - whilest dodging "Stray Bullits."

Dude.. MONDO is spot on!

I had a similar mutual respect convo with my gf.... there are some things that are OK, and there are some that arent. This is one that doesnt meet the OK rule.

Your problem isnt with rico... its with your wife-o.
Its YOUR WIFE'S job to take HERSELF OUT OF THAT SITUATION, whether you are there or not. Sounds like she disrespected you mucho. What if you had not been there to 'observe' that dance, would she have walked away? or gone farther?

[Rockinthecasbah]

i think theyre are times to make a huge deal out of thngs and times to relize she still came home with you and isnt having ricos kid.
let her know it upset you wth out a war and take it as a compliment that you have somethong rico wanted and cant have. you can stress yourself and relatonship on insignficant thngs but you could land a jump wrong and drop dead tommorow its not worth the time of life you would waste fighting over it.
and if t ever happens agian and your not happy about it throw the guy into a wall it will turn your wife on that you recued her anyways.
peace .

[sperminator]

rick is right on just tell her it bothered you and dont worry about it. let her get turned on by dancing with him get her to get him to buy her a drink have her bring it to you say cheers to rico and enjoy the free drink. i will be doing this all the time when my girffriend and i go out.

[Stray_Bullit]

I appreciate the responces everyone. I really just wanted to get it off of my chest.

We still had a great time, however, Saturday night wasn't so hot.

I often wonder how it would have been if I wasn't there, too? I mean, it's just really funny to me how women think this stuff is so innocent. "It's just DANCING" is what I am told. Un huh.

If the roles were reversed she would have been furious, I know.

I would never, ever do that to a woman in a club. I don't understand why women need/want that attention?