The WalMart virus has spread like a wild-fire...

[ohyeah89]

Originally Posted by ChariotsOfTires

You know I have a theory about Walmart and what happens to the individual when they go into one. I believe that the average persons IQ is immediately cut in half when they get within 100 yards of the entrance. Not because you dumber for shopping there, but because of the way people act when there. I have witnessed more than a few grown ups running a muck in the aisles.

(Disclaimer: I neither approve nor disapprove of partaking in the following activities. Do AT YOUR OWN RISK. Nor will I ever admit to doing any of the following. )

1. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
2. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift
3. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.
4. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
5. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially thin narrow aisles.
6. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "Ithink we've got a Code 3 in Housewares," and see whathappens.
7. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to "10".
8. Play with the automatic doors.
9. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!…" etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.
10. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who BUYS this junk, anyway?"
11. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're taking it for a "test drive." (And hope it doesn't fall apart on you)
12. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.
13. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!"
14. Put M&M's on layaway.
15. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
16. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
17. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying,"…I'm Batman. Come, Robin, to the Batcave!"
18.) Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" (or dirty words) upside down.
19. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?"
20. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
21. Take bets on the battle described above.
22. Hold indoor shopping cart races.
23. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission: Impossible."
24. Run up to an employee (preferably a male) while
squeezing your legs together and practically yell at him "I need some tampons!!"
25. Try on bras over top of your clothes.
26. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
27. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.
28. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?"
29. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
30. Two words: "Marco Polo."
31. Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the restrooms
32. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"
33. Try putting different pairs of women's panties on your head and walk around the store casually.
34. Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
35. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, "Red Rover!"
36. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
37. Set up another battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. G.I. Janes. (Red lipstick might give an interesting effect!!!)
38. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible.
39. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look with various funnels.
40. Get boxes of Condoms and randomly put them in peoples carts when they don't realize it!
41. Hit on the elderly.
42. Spend all your money riding on those little rides for toddlers. Fit the character; if your on a hoarse, then pretend that your a cowboy, etc.. And If a little kid comes over wanting to use it, start barking at them until they run away crying.
43. Excesively use anything thing that says "Try Me".
44. Start to madly scratch yourself and walk up to peopleasking where the rash cream is because your family and all tour friends seem to have a rash too.
45. When your alone, have loud conversations with your "multiple personalities". Have an English man, a Southern person, someone from New York, a Grandma, and a 5 year old girl all at the same time. You have to use accents.
46. Start "dancing" like mad. Basically, just wail your arms and legs around like your having some kind of massive seizure.
47. Try on crazy costumes and walk casually through the store.
48. Spend hours staring at a little blinking light. After a while, start saying blink everytime it blinks. Don't look away, just stay mesmerized.
49. Stand next to a maniquin and pretend that your a mannequin. Try to hold the same position for as long as possible. Then finally as someone is walking by, check your watch and say. "Finally, my shift is done. I really don't get paid enough to do this"
50. Get a Walmart shirt. The possibilities are endless.