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sdyeti

The plight of the older sibling...

I am the oldest of four and my parents were (and still are) the hardest on me.

My brother (the youngest) is 10 years younger than me...he gets away with everything and has since he was a toddler. Guess what? He just got arrested on his 19th birthday for resisting arrest and assault & battery on a police officer because he was drinking (yet again) and drunk on his college campus. He has (well, had) a $15k per year scholarship and pulled straight A's this year but has had a problem w/ drinking since sophomore year of high school (including last year driving after drinking, crossing the double yellow, and sideswiping a car...he never got breathalyzed or sobriety tested).

Guess my parents being so lenient with him didn't really help, now did it?

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Pho'dUp

Sorry to hear about that Steph. I hope your brother can get things under control. Sounds like he has a ton of potential and it's a shame if he pisses it away or hurts himself or others.

On a lighter note, obviously you weren't brought up in an Asian household. First born sons are treated like Kings. People often think I'm the eldest kid in my family with the way my older brother acts sometimes.

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I know the saying goes "Measure twice and cut once", but I prefer my method of "casually estimate once, cut once, and regret forever". -teamdicky

sdyeti

Let me clarify...I am glad (in hindsight) that my parents were tough on me. It's just that my mom pretty much denies that she was tougher on me than my younger siblings.

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THE PATH-Love the Bike You Ride

BrewMaster

Being the youngest of two kids, I can confirm this as well.

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Above all accomplishments, character matters most.

JoeTruth

Being the oldest of 3 myself and now the parent of 3, I know what you mean. I tend to be a little harder on my son as he's the oldest. I have very equitable expectations. The only thing I expect him to do is to role model a little better sometimes but I don't kill him over it nor make him feel inferior.

On the flip side, I was the oldest and the most favored with my parents. Coming from a culture which favors boys over girls and being the only boy, it was ridiculous and I actually hated it. My younger sisters had a lot of resentment towards me growing up and still manage to compete for my parents attention. I've never asked for it nor have I ever liked it. It just the way they are but not the way I am. My sisters and I have pretty much put that to bed and they realize it's due to my parents shortcomings and not due to their lack of love for them. I do feel they loved us all equally.

Re: your brother. That's very sad and troubling, actually. I would suggest rather then take the "I told you so" attitude towards your parents (and him), be the big sister and help him grow-up. He's young and far from perfect. If he was pulling straight A's and had a scholarship, this means he's got the potential to recover and use these negative experiences as a tool for maturing and growing up. Motivate, encourage and help without being an enabler. Good luck with that and I mean that with a lot of sincerity.

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"Merit begets confidence, confidence begets enthusiasm, enthusiasm conquers the world!"

CalEpic

I'm the oldest of four and I agree that my parents were tougher on me than the youngest. I'm thankful for it.

Now that I'm a parent I can totally relate to it though. Kids have a way of beating you down to the point that there isn't as much will to fight every little battle. I know I put more than my share of gray hairs on my mother's head.

By the time #4 rolls around I'm guessing as long as they aren't playing with razor blades it's all good

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ChariotsOfTires

Dito, My older brother blazed the path for me, so I got away with tons. Luckily I was a pretty good Kid so I had their trust as well.

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bighit8: Hewhobendspoles- Its Cherokee, I looked it up on a Native American site.

Apathy builds nothing, rather it dictates that the apathetic be shaped and molded by anything and everything.

foofighter

steph...my wife's youngest brother who was set to graduate high school is now not going to because he's well to put it frankly a royal eff up. Like your brother, he has potential and can pass classes and yet he manages to fail electives in HS. He picked the wrong time in his life to be rebelious because now he's got his medical marijuana license (becuase of his mental issues) and bla bla bla. I just feel that the parents were too easy on him and they excused all his stuff as "well he's just a slow kid". It's BS, i'm glad they were hard on my wife as she has become the most responsible one.

Sorry for digressing but i do understand where you're coming from

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Dulce et Decorum

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Fired Yo Momma

I am the oldest kid and my Mom and Dad were really hard on me and then my Mom married some other dude who became my stepdad and I never had things given to me like my half sister. Shes a good kid just real lazy and not much of a work ethic. My mom and step dad groomed her to be the master race child yet she still lives with my mom at 24 and they still help her pay for her bills, she failed to get her degree, thats all my mom wanted from her. Hey school is not for everybody but in my mind I would be charging her rent and make her pay for her own food. My mom and stepdad still pay her car insurance, registration, bought her a car, food, cell phone. I told my mom its not my sister's fault but yours in the way she is today.

When I was younger I worked a whole summer on a ranch in Wyoming and got paid a flat rate of 500 bones for the whole summer.I look back on that now and can see it was child slave labor. When I lived in South Dakota with my dad I had a paper route that had to be dilvered in the morning in the snow. Here I am getting up at 500AM rolling papers getting on my bike and riding in the snow to deliver papers. That was the crappiest job I had. The thing I learned from that was work ethic.

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And the hangovers hurt more than they used to And corn bread and ice tea took the place of pills and 80 proof
And it seems like none of us do the things quite like we used to do
And nobody wants to get high on the town
And all my rowdy friends have settled down

-Hank Williams Jr.

sdyeti

FYM...I helped out with the family's paper route from age 8 to 18...we had over 250 customers and delivered Sunday papers in the snow/rain/etc of the northeast. Needless to say, I hate the smell of newsprint now.

In any case, thanks for the advice about my brother...I was only trying to use his story as an example that sometimes letting kids get away with everything doesn't turn out so well.

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My Blog: Two Wheel Love
THE PATH-Love the Bike You Ride

Dirty Tire

Funny that i just read this as well...
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/24397323/?GT1=43001

Red Ryder

I was the oldest of 8 kids. 5 boys, 3 girls.

I figured the reason my younger brothers and sisters had it easier is that I simply wore my parents out. They didn't have much left by the time my youngest brother was born. I know my grandmother and aunt told my dad he was too hard on me. I remember when I was about 20, my mom saying something like, "If I can just get your brothers to 18 years old, I've succeeded." After 8 kids, my parents, especially my dad is really mellow.

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Evil Chocula

Dude- I am the oldest in my family as well, and I can not even begin to describe how true this! I could exchange younger brother stories with you all day... but just thinking about it makes me want to bang my head on the wall .

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And my straw reaches acroooooooss the room, and starts to drink your milkshake... I... drink... your... milkshake!

wirk242

I can totally agree! I am the oldest of 4 brothers, and it has gotten progressively easier for all my brothers.

One time my dad my own dad fired me for being late, and I was working for free!

I retrospect I don't mind, I think it taught me to be responsible, work hard and not be stupid. Those have been the cornerstones of any success I have had in my life.

Red Hot Sloth

yepperz, older sibling here as well, I know the story all too well....sigh....
I've mostly stopped thinking about it years ago, but once in awhile I reflect upon our youth and growning up...

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bobzrag

Oh yeah - we all know this to be true - study or not! The younger siblings know too, they just won't admit it - lil buggers!

Now that I'm a dad myself I always keep this in mind and try my best to be equally mean (i mean fair) to both

JoeTruth

In defense of parents, this is not only funny but also very true. Point being, by the time 3rd, 4th, 5th and etc. kids roll around, your idealistic perspectives on how to raise kids are out the door and you're 100% in survival mode...

Your Clothes:
1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby : You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.

Preparing for the Birth:
1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don't bother because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an Epudural in your eighth month.

The Layette:
1st baby: You pre-wash newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?

Worries:
1st baby: At the first sign of distress--a whimper, a frown--you pick up the baby.
2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.

Pacifier:
1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.
2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby's bottle.
3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.

Diapering:
1st baby: You change your baby's diapers every hour, whether they need it or not.
2nd baby: You change their diaper every two to three hours, if needed.
3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.

Activities:
1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.
2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.

Going Out:
1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home five times.
2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.

At Home:
1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.

Stairways:
1st baby: You rush over and check to make sure all body parts are moving and not broken.
2nd baby: You walk over and check to make sure they have stopped crying.
3rd baby: You yell from your place on the floor with #1 & 2, "Get up, you're fine".

Swallowing Coins :
1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays.
2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for the coin to pass.
3rd child: When third child swallows a coin you deduct it from his or her allowance.

__________________
"Merit begets confidence, confidence begets enthusiasm, enthusiasm conquers the world!"

dutch

i'm the youngest and I always thought I got it harder. I think, though, its just because I got in trouble more.

My sister still lives at home, and although she has her degree and just left a full time job to spend 7 months working on a cruise ship, my parents bug her because she just doesn't have a ton of ambition, and they definitely want her to get a place of her own...

mom and dad still pay for my rent, but I'm a full time student and I pay for my school (well the school pays but I earned the free ride).

chongoblanco

awww mann from title of the thread I thought we