I need help/suggestions (serious)for my son????

[bighit8]

My 8 year old acts up when he leaves my house.His mom has a hell of a time with him. He is so good for me, I think he is just going through some hard stuff.Anybody dealt with this before and what did you do. I feel so bad that I cant understand what he is thinking.I want him to live with me, but it is not in my control. Regardless im asking for suggestions/testimony ect...I want him to have a good relation with his mom and realize her intentions are good.The only way he can live with me is if his mom gives the go ( not sure she will)!Ya know how that goes, not wanting to let go? Im frustrated!!!!Sorry to bring this to the table, but I am venting I guess!Here goes, clicking submit new thread.
Thanks

[jeffj]

Set boundaries and be firm.

I was lucky. My kids hated 'timeouts' worse than anything else.

Mine would act out more when their mother was around too. Is it possible she has issues following through with stated consequences?

[Rockinthecasbah]

i second that she has issues with follow though, the number one thing i have learned while teaching 4th graders is consistancy is very important if I am not consitant with rules the kids walk all over me. The good things is if he only does that with her you must be doing a good job, the reason kids are a problem with certian people is there is problem with theyre particular parenting style hopefully she figures it out.

[katonk]

Talk to your kid's teacher and/or principal. If he's showing any behavior problems at school, or his grades are suffering, you may be able to get the school district to help out. Between that and any health insurance that he's covered by you may be able to get some qualified professional help. It may seem like an extreme measure, but at that age they typically don't need counseling for very long.

If he's not involved in Cub Scouts, you may consider having him join a pack. It really helped my son some socialization issues.

[Chewyeti]

jack daniels.


That will fix your kid.




Nah... sounds like you are doin a good job.

[RacinJason]

Study what it is he really likes and wants and when he misbehaves take away the things he likes to do. My Dad used to beat ( Spank ) me good I never made the same mistake twice. I always fond new ones. It worked great but he would be arrested now if he did that. That is why kids are out of control at times.
There are new and better ways of teaching respect but they take patients.

Thats just my 2 cents.

[Blue Rat]

A child of eight has a very difficult time verbalizing their feelings ...

In order for them to feel "understood" they have to demonstrate whatever it is that's going on inside of their little noggin.

I'm going to assume that he's with his mom most of the time ... If that's the case, I'll bet he can't help but feel that he misses not having constant access to his dad.

His way of telling his mom that he misses you and doesn't like not having you around is by "acting up."

What is very important, even though it can leave a sour taste, is to ensure that he knows that you and the mother are on the same page and in agreement on dealing with his behavior issues. This can mean having both of you sit with him and discuss his behavior problems on a common front.

It might also help to contact the school, as mentioned, and have him speak with a counselor. It was probably difficult for you to dissolve the relationship with the mom so imagine how much more difficult it is for a little guy.

I did make some assumptions in my reply but in any case, I hope that something in my ramblings helped.

[CalEpic]

By your post I'm assuming you are divorced/separated and the issue is different behavior at each of your houses. If this is the case the issue is not with your son. You and your ex need to figure out how to be on the same page in terms of expectations for your son and making sure you are both supportive of the others decisions. Put aside your differences for the sake of your son.

I've seen this with divorced friends and the children become weapons of mass destruction with consequences neither parent anticipated.

Best of luck on your situation.

C

[northshore]

As CalEpic has mentioned, your topic sounds like divorce? I'm currently dating a gal (who is divorced) with a 6 year old daughter and a 8 year old son. The father lives on the East Coast and doesn't make any effort to call, visit, smoke signals, or anything for his children. I see my GF and her kids about 4-5 times a week for the past year so this is simply observation on my part since I don't have children of my own.

The daughter does not 'appear' to have visual issues about her father but then again she is probably either too young to notice or does not know how to express her emotions. The one time her mom flew her out to the E.C. to visit family she hated it. She cried everyday and wanted to be with her mother. Heck, the little girl is clingy to me as well.

The son who is the same age as yours has complications. IE: Drive past a familiar area he cries, very defiant against his mother, angry, gets in fights in school, makes comments like I don't care about my dad, I hate my dad. It's just bad. What I find interesting is he has zero respect for my GF but the minute I pipe up or his Uncles pipes up he instantly snaps out of it and does what he needs to do. Obviously he needs a male figure in his life but I haven't figured out how to transfer that discipline from myself or his Uncles back to his mother. Tough. His currently in couseling but I haven't noticed a change in his attitude. BigHit8, I'm thinking that you might have to communicate at your son's level so he understands. Probably the most difficult compromise you will have to make is getting along with your ex-wife for your son's benefit and not yours or hers.

[thephat]

Originally Posted by bighit8

My 8 year old acts up when he leaves my house.His mom has a hell of a time with him. He is so good for me, I think he is just going through some hard stuff.Anybody dealt with this before and what did you do. I feel so bad that I cant understand what he is thinking.I want him to live with me, but it is not in my control. Regardless im asking for suggestions/testimony ect...I want him to have a good relation with his mom and realize her intentions are good.The only way he can live with me is if his mom gives the go ( not sure she will)!Ya know how that goes, not wanting to let go? Im frustrated!!!!Sorry to bring this to the table, but I am venting I guess!Here goes, clicking submit new thread.
Thanks

It sounds like he's angry. It's hard to tell, but maybe angry with his mother.

I would say do everything that you can to build him up without giving unrealistic expectations. That is pretty much just lots of love.

My kids (definetely angry with mother) go through periods of anger and depression. I think we all do. It passes.

Stay calm if you can.