A victory for female grasshoppers - with the "curse"

[OMR]

This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American
company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets
rolling after the first paragraph. It's PC Magazine's 2007 editors' choice for

best webmail-award-winning letter.

Dear Mr. Thatcher

I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I
appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave
absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd
certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts.
But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on
[being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads


be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing
there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from the
curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right
now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my
body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed
into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.
Isn't the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a
bit of research on what exactly happens during your customer's monthly visits
from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and
cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags,
and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most
women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to
shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he
told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!


The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling
with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to the reason for my
letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to
reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and
there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy
Period.

Are you f------ kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny
middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing
happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above
sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some
kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in
which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in
your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a
hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a moronic
message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's
actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is
Wrong', or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately,
there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my
maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings,
I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullshit. And that's
a promise I will keep.

Always,

Windi Arons
Austin, Texas

[xhuskr]

ok....you're scaring me a bit....will we see this in your next chapter?

[OMR]

Originally Posted by xhuskr

ok....you're scaring me a bit....will we see this in your next chapter?

All I can say is watch for knives.....

[denmother]

You are so funny, Liz posted this in the Private Girlz Forum last week http://www.socaltrailriders.org/foru...n-my-legs.html

Originally Posted by OMR

All I can say is watch for knives.....

[tbowren]

Originally Posted by denmother

You are so funny, Liz posted this in the Private Girlz Forum last week http://www.socaltrailriders.org/foru...n-my-legs.html

That's so wrong making a link to a Private Forum that others can't follow.

ESPECIALLY one called "Str-dirty-girlz-private"

Almost cruel really.