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Pain Freak · 02-13-2008, 07:40 PM

[FONT=Arial]Love this Doctor

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it . . Don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! . . . . ; Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one h and - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO, What a Ride!"

[/FONT]

FyrFytrRyn · 02-13-2008, 07:44 PM

now thats awesome (and the truth)

Red Hot Sloth · 02-13-2008, 07:46 PM

Thats what I'm talkin' about!!

Seat Sniffer · 02-13-2008, 08:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Red Hot Sloth

Thats what I'm talkin' about!!

i can vouch for that.

chauvinist_youth · 02-13-2008, 08:10 PM

Best copy paste I have read in a while. Thanks

SAR_boats · 02-13-2008, 10:36 PM

D@mn skippy.

project_d · 02-13-2008, 10:38 PM

Gosh I love you, PF!

bighit8 · 02-13-2008, 10:42 PM

That is funny.

02-13-2008, 07:40 PM	#1 (permalink)
Pain Freak Peanut butta jelly	Health (joke) [FONT=Arial]Love this Doctor Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true? A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it . . Don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap. Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables? A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products. Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake? A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up! Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio? A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc. Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program? A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good! Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you? A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! . . . . ; Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you? Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle? A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach. Q: Is chocolate bad for me? A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around! Q: Is swimming good for your figure? A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me. Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. And remember: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one h and - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO, What a Ride!" [/FONT] __________________ If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? “Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well-preserved body—but rather a skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming, ‘Wow, what a ride!’ ” —anon.

02-13-2008, 07:44 PM	#2 (permalink)
FyrFytrRyn PORKCHOP SANDWICHES!	now thats awesome (and the truth) __________________ Don't do anything by half. If you love someone, love them with all your soul. When you go to work, work your ass off. When you hate someone, hate them until it hurts.

02-13-2008, 10:36 PM	#6 (permalink)
SAR_boats .	D@mn skippy. __________________

02-13-2008, 10:42 PM	#8 (permalink)
bighit8 STR Veteran	That is funny. __________________ Roger: You guys should join us next Sunday. It would be nice to have another screamer CHEWYETI: Heat, Beat, Repeat!

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02-13-2008, 07:46 PM	#3 (permalink)
Red Hot Sloth Banned	Thats what I'm talkin' about!!

02-13-2008, 08:10 PM	#5 (permalink)
chauvinist_youth gotta catch em all	Best copy paste I have read in a while. Thanks

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project_d Steve Peat Wannabe	Gosh I love you, PF!

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