Friday humor...

[JoeTruth]

Not sore nor am I jaded or weary of marriage, I promise...

"Husband and wife humor"

Wife: "What are you doing?"
Husband: Nothing.
Wife : "Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour."
Husband : "I was looking for the expiration date."

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Wife : "Do you want dinner?"
Husband : "Sure! What are my choices?"
Wife : "Yes and no."

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Wife: "You always carry my photo in your wallet Why?"
Hubby: "When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears."
Wife: "You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?"
Hubby: "Yes! I see your picture and ask myself what other problem can there be greater than this one?"

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Stress Reliever Girl: "When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden."
Boy: "It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles."
Girl: "Well that's because we aren't married yet."

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Son: "Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady."
Mom: "Well, you have done the right thing."
Son: "But Mom, I was sitting on daddy's lap."

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A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?"
"Honey," the woman replied sweetly, "I'd have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!"

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Father to son after exam: "Let me see your report card."
Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."

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Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever.
The guy replies : "Thanks for the early warning."

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A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?"
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of humor."

[denmother]

Thanks for makin' me laugh!

BTW Roger and I are celebratign our 27th wedding anniversary today.

[un-kola]

Originally Posted by JoeTruth

Not sore nor am I tainted or weary of marriage, I promise...

"Husband and wife humor"

Wife: "What are you doing?"
Husband: Nothing.
Wife : "Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour."
Husband : "I was looking for the expiration date."

----------------------------------------------------
Wife : "Do you want dinner?"
Husband : "Sure! What are my choices?"
Wife : "Yes and no."

----------------------------------------------------
Wife: "You always carry my photo in your wallet Why?"
Hubby: "When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears."
Wife: "You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?"
Hubby: "Yes! I see your picture and ask myself what other problem can there be greater than this one?"

----------------------------------------------------
Stress Reliever Girl: "When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden."
Boy: "It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles."
Girl: "Well that's because we aren't married yet."

----------------------------------------------------
Son: "Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady."
Mom: "Well, you have done the right thing."
Son: "But Mom, I was sitting on daddy's lap."

---------------------------------------------------
A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?"
"Honey," the woman replied sweetly, "I'd have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!"

----------------------------------------------------
Father to son after exam: "Let me see your report card."
Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."

----------------------------------------------------
Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever.
The guy replies : "Thanks for the early warning."

----------------------------------------------------
A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?"
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of humor."

First one is me,second one is my wife and the last one is a death warrant!

[Red Hot Sloth]

Originally Posted by denmother

Thanks for makin' me laugh!

BTW Roger and I are celebratign our 27th wedding anniversary today.

Congratulations!! And Happy Anniversary!!

[JoeTruth]

Originally Posted by denmother

Thanks for makin' me laugh!

BTW Roger and I are celebrating our 27th wedding anniversary today.

Well, a hearty congratulations to you and Roger!
That's 12 more years then I was able to stay married.
It's great to see couples still married and more importantly, still happy. Too many times I see so much bickering and misery between couples, it makes me glad I'm no longer married. Good for you guys...really!
My parents will be celebrating their 45 wedding anniversary the end of this month. Somehow, they've managed not to kill each another.

[JoeTruth]

When the institution of marriage was created, life expectancy was around 35. Of course you'd be married for life with such short life expectancies. Now, people are living well into their 80's and if things are only so so in the beginning, imagine how bad they could get after 50 plus years of being together.

I ran into an old uncle of mine (79) at a recent kids birthday party and while we were conversing, I noticed he had on a pair of hearing aids. I asked how that was and he said it was the best thing that's happened to him in a long while and it was really a blessing in disguise. He said (and I'll quote) "when your aunt starts her bitching, I turn my hearing aid all the way down until I don't hear a thing and all I see is her lips moving." He added "God makes the elderly go deaf for a reason; otherwise we're liable to kill one another." I thought that was pure genius and hysterical!

[un-kola]

Originally Posted by denmother

Thanks for makin' me laugh!

BTW Roger and I are celebratign our 27th wedding anniversary today.

Missed that earlier when I first read the thread.A hearty congradulations to you two. .- Lloyd

[slowSSer]

1. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.

2. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

3. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

4. To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot & love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot & not try to understand her at all.

5. Married men live longer than single men - but married men are a lot more willing to die.

6. Any married man should forget his mistakes - there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

7. Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

8. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change & she does.

9. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

10. There are 2 times when a man doesn't understand a woman - before marriage & after marriage.

courtesy comedy central. some are funny...