The difference between men and women

[OMR]

Bathrooms
A man has six items in his bathroom - a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

Groceries
A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes to the store and buys these things. A man waits till the only items left in his fridge are half a lime and a beer. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reached the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter that the Clampett’s car on Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going to the 10-items-or-less lane.

Handwriting
To their credit, men do not decorate their penmanship. They just chicken- scratch. Women use scented, colored stationary and they dot their “i’s” with circles and hearts. Women use ridiculously large loops in their “p’s” and “g’s”. It is a royal pain to read a note from a woman. Even when she’s dumping you, she’ll put a smiley face at the end of the note.

Cats
Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren’t looking, men kick cats.

Offspring
Ah!, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and soccer games and romances and best friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

Eating Out
… and when the check comes, Mike, Andy, George and Gene will each throw in $20 bills, even though it’s only for $22.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their check, out come the pocket calculators.

Mirrors
Men are vain; they will always check themselves out in a mirror. Women are ridiculous; they will check out their reflections in any shiny surface: mirrors, spoons, car windows, store windows, toasters, Joe Garagiola’s head.

The Telephone
Men see the telephone as a communication tool. They use the telephone to send short messages to other people. A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.

Directions
If a woman is out driving, and she finds herself in unfamiliar surroundings, she will stop at a gas station and ask for directions. Men consider this to be a sign of weakness. Men will never stop and ask for directions. Men will drive in a circle for hours, all the while saying things like, “Looks like I’ve found a new way to get there.” and, “I know I’m in the general neighborhood. I recognize that 7-11 store.”

Admitting Mistakes
Women will sometimes admit making a mistake. The last man who admitted he was wrong was General George Custer.

And finally my favorite:

Toys
Little girls love to play with toys. Then when they reach the age of 11 or 12, they lose interest. Men never grow out of their obsession with toys. As they get older, their toys simply become more expensive and silly and impractical. Examples of men’s toys: little miniature TV’s. Car phones. Complicated juicers and blenders. Graphic equalizers. Small robots that serve cocktails on command. Video games. Anything that blinks, beeps, and requires at least 6 “D” batteries to operate...and mountain bikes with plenty of suspension.

Men are different, grasshoppers!

[Pain Freak]

and mountain bikes with plenty of suspension.

[slowSSer]

i plan on never growing up, just having my toys get more expensive. ...and living up to that according to my avatar.

[DISCO]

I have oft repeated a wise man who said

"All a man wants is a beer and to see something naked"


Too bad his wisdom is no match for OMR or a fifth grader for that matter,
Thank you learned one for sharing.

[Pain Freak]

The difference between men and women

Well if you don't know by now....

Awright I'll tell you the difference. Women have them bumps.
(in all the right places)

[slowSSer]

Originally Posted by DISCO

I have oft repeated a wise man who said

"All a man wants is a beer and to see something naked"


Too bad his wisdom is no match for OMR or a fifth grader for that matter,
Thank you learned one for sharing.

those 5th graders iz edumacated!!!

Originally Posted by Pain Freak

The difference between men and women

Well if you don't know by now....

Awright I'll tell you the difference. Women have them bumps.
(in all the right places)

rowr!

[Kid A]

Originally Posted by Pain Freak

The difference between men and women

Well if you don't know by now....

Awright I'll tell you the difference. Women have them bumps.
(in all the right places)

ahh, yes. i imagine if u a dude and mtb you are a huge fan of da bumps

[Permagrin]

Men are so easy.

I fall into most of the guy categories. What's up with that??

[DISCO]

Take a look downstairs and ask the boss

[coldbrews]

Congrats on your 3,000th thanks.

[OMR]

[quote=Permagrin;133944]Men are so easy.
quote]

And female grasshoppers know this!

[slowSSer]

Originally Posted by OMR

And female grasshoppers know this!

after all, we are just pound puppies. as long as we're getting petted and loved, we're fine.

Originally Posted by coldbrews

Congats on your 3,000th thanks.

i think he's trying to beat Allison....for once...

[Kid A]

Originally Posted by OMR

And female grasshoppers know this!

last i checked it takes two

[OMR]

Originally Posted by slowSSer

after all, we are just pound puppies. as long as we're getting petted and loved, we're fine.

Errr, actually you forgot getting liquored up as well...

[slowSSer]

Originally Posted by OMR

Errr, actually you forgot getting liquored up as well...

too true.

side story: I LOVE it when I get home from work and my wife asks "what are we drinking tonight"

[OMR]

Laundry
Women do laundry every couple of days. A man will wear every article of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants that were hip about eight years ago, before he will do his laundry. When he is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out and take his mountain of clothes to the laundromat. Men always expect to meet beautiful women at the laundromat. This is a myth perpetuated by re-runs of old episodes of “Love, American Style.”

Socks
Men wear sensible socks. They wear standard white sweatsocks. Women wear strange socks. Socks that are cut way below the ankles, that have pictures of clouds on them, that have a big fuzzy ball on the back.

Nicknames
If Gloria, Suzanne, Deborah and Michelle get together for lunch, they will call each other Gloria, Suzanne, Deborah and Michelle. But if Mike, Dave, Rob and Jack go out for a brewsky, they will affectionately refer to each other as Bullet-Head, Godzilla, Disco, Peanut-Brain, Dino and Useless.

[Pain Freak]

oooo,oooo, can I be Useless?

[sauce]

Originally Posted by Permagrin

Men are so easy.

I fall into most of the guy categories. What's up with that??

My theory (that I stole from my boyfriend Keith) is that all people have some male and female qualities. Everyone exists somewhere on that spectrum - some farther to the female traits side and some farther to the male traits side. I think if anybody is too far to one side that that's not good!