Help....

[Neccros]

First off I apologize for putting such a personal topic on a public forum, but I need some advice....

I had a close friend of 15 years attempt to commit suicide yesterday....

I don't know solid details yet but either he walked in front of or drove in front of a semi truck on the frwy yesterday. me and his family are driving out tomorrow to visit with him and talk to him and cheer him up.... THANK GOD he made it w/o internal injury's or more than just broken bones...

The cause? From what his brother told me his new wife of less than a year is just on his case about money(Stupid I know) and a bunch of other things and he is stressed out at work and bottom line he couldnt take it anymore...

So what I need help/advice with is how we can talk to him and help him get through this and eventually help him get over her and get rid of her ASAP.....

I know it sounds cruel but his health and mental state is at stake and even though he loves her and her son, she is killing him mentally....

I'm going to Loma Linda medical center tomorrow to visit with him and talk to him and cheer him up....

Has anyone got advice on how I can approach this w/o making it worse???

Sorry if im rambling but im sitting here in shock with a lump in my throat almost shaking in disbelief....

I only posted this here because you guys do feel like family to me even though I dont ride as much as most of you..... also if this is inappropriate, moderators, feel free to delete this post...

Thanks for listening....

Neccros aka Brian...

[ocrider]

Brian I don't know what to tell you other than when his condition improves enough for him to leave the hospital that a Mountain Bike would be an excellent tool for his recovery. My bike allows me to escape from life for a few hours and the excersize will release endprphins. Good luck, I hope he can start to love life again soon.

[Neccros]

Originally Posted by ocrider

Brian I don't know what to tell you other than when his condition improves enough for him to leave the hospital that a Mountain Bike would be an excellent tool for his recovery. My bike allows me to escape from life for a few hours and the excersize will release endprphins. Good luck, I hope he can start to love life again soon.

He bought my old GT LTS1 and got him to build a P1 DJ bike.... so he definetly rides..... I told him we are gonna ride soon when he heals up.... maybe show him some STR love and do a group ride for him.....

[Liquid55]

First I hope your friend gets better. When visiting keep the conversation light, he's been your friend for years you now what he likes, movies, sports, our whatever and talk about that don't talk about what may have happened. He maybe ashamed at what happen, get a feel for the tension in the air, if there's to many people in room he may not feel comfortable. Biggest thing is just being there for him, if that means you have to change your schedule.

[andy aka rut]

I don't think anyone is going to come up with a cure all for this. Good luck though. My thoughts include listening (without giving advise), listening with your heart and doing what you can to help him out. Be there for him and hopefully he will be seeing a doctor about his future.

My heart goes out to him, his family and of course you.

Good luck,

andy

[Neccros]

Originally Posted by Liquid55

First I hope your friend gets better. When visiting keep the conversation light, he's been your friend for years you now what he likes, movies, sports, our whatever and talk about that don't talk about what may have happened. He maybe ashamed at what happen, get a feel for the tension in the air, if there's to many people in room he may not feel comfortable. Biggest thing is just being there for him, if that means you have to change your schedule.

Im taking the day off to visit him with his family, I just wanted advice on how to approach this whole situation.....

[Dino Brown]

Neccros- Sorry to hear about your friend.

While we can give you 100 opinions (most of them good), I do believe your friend would be best served in the care of professionals.

A person who attempts suicide (i.e. walking in front of a train, jumping off a bridge etc.) has SERIOUS issues. Many of them have to do with hopelessness! He was not some "cutter" seeking attention! He tried to end his life! A professional can help him get to the root cause of these issues- better than some of us can.

With that said, your friend needs YOUR support. Not just today... tomorow.... next week- he may need it for quite a while..

HOPE- Anything you can do to that will give your friend hope (i.e. words, invitations to a NEWBIE RIDE, a different job, a new hobby, new friends) could help.

I could give 50 more opinions........ the two best I can think of:
1) The support of friends 2) Professional Help!

Miss Ya' Homie!

[Neccros]

Thanks dino..... Im just looking for the best way to talk to him tomorrow.... I have never had to deal with this, or do I care to ever in the future....

[ghixon]

Sorry for the situation that you're going through. It must be hard to be thrown into the mix and try and make sence of it.

I agree with Dino I unfortunatly had someone in my past who took their own life. It is really a job for a professional. There is something else that's eating away at him and all you can do is to be a friend and not try to be his therapist. The best thing that you can do is to make sure he gets they professional attention that he really needs.

All I can say is to be there when he needs someone to talk with and be a shoulder for him to lean on. Let us know if there is anything the STR community can do to help you or your friend.

Greg

[xhuskr]

#1 LISTEN
#2 SEE #1

Listening to him may be what he is missing from your description. Like many of us, we want to help our friends and fix the problem. Listen to what he needs and get him the help he needs/wants. Being there is the best thing you can do....just make sure you're there for him as much as you can in his time of need.

Kudos to you for taking a day off to care for a friend. My wishes go to your friend, his family, and of course to you. Glad you could feel comfortable to ask for help from the STR family.

-Kevin

**anyone out there...communication is a key to happiness in life....whether in person, phone, email or here in STR...find a family, love them and support them!

[Neccros]

Thanks..... I do plan on getting a group ride going when he is healed up and is cleared to ride again

Originally Posted by ghixon

Sorry for the situation that you're going through. It must be hard to be thrown into the mix and try and make sence of it.

I agree with Dino I unfortunatly had someone in my past who took their own life. It is really a job for a professional. There is something else that's eating away at him and all you can do is to be a friend and not try to be his therapist. The best thing that you can do is to make sure he gets they professional attention that he really needs.

All I can say is to be there when he needs someone to talk with and be a shoulder for him to lean on. Let us know if there is anything the STR community can do to help you or your friend.

Greg

[northshore]

You have PM

[schleppp]

Pray with him and for him... I will pray for you both.

[Shu]

Since you've been friends forever 1st thing to do is slap him upside the head and tell him to stop acting like a fool....j/k

I wouldn't talk to him about what he did or why....unless he wants to tell you(there will be enough family etc asking that stuff)....talk about other things that you guys have in common and about some of the things that you both look at w/ fond memories(that DON'T include his wife or her kid)...that will reassure him you are a friend and are there for him....he will know this w/o you telling him...

[theclayster]

sorry to hear about your friend...i was put in the same boat a couple years ago, but was talking to his son. All i could tell his son was to listen to what he has to say and what is on his mind, don't sit there and drill him, he did it for a reason and needs someone to talk to. He needs support of friends and family and if there is ever a ride for him, count me in!